Showing posts with label Lyme. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lyme. Show all posts

Sunday, May 30, 2021

God’s Participation Medal

We make plans and God laughs.  Belly laughs.  Please
Don’t take this to be sad; we are learning and growing as we go.  I am always grateful to be able to mother and teach.  Always.  


The Intro:
We finished. We finished the school year.  We crafted beautiful relationships with our students and peers.  We navigated teaching with a mask, cleaning between every class, virtual learning, changes in state tests, taking state and national tests, many, many students and staff being quarantined, and a move across campus to a new classroom. 
We finished and I am  a worn out dish rag during canning season.  We finished and yet so much is still unknown. Living in the unknown is okay.    

Everyday seems to bring new challenges and new lessons.  I learned that working on the relationships with my students and peers is the most precious part of my job.  I also learned that all of the Pine Sol and Fabuloso was worth it.  I don’t feel like I was half the teacher I normally am this year, yet I pray my students felt safe, loved, and heard.  They’re going to be okay. 
Finger Update:
Libby’s finger is still healing from her venture into cannibalism (I know, that’s not appropriate, but funny).  She’s wearing the Mit of Shame everyday to protect her left hand.  

That giant white pillowy thing is her Mit.  It’s not perfect, but it’s working.  Her hand is  going to be okay. 

Van Update: 
My lovely Toyota van has been totaled.  I signed the release papers Wednesday, cleaned it out, and said farewell.   The front end damage was too extensive for insurance to fix.  So, it is gone.  It’s going to be okay, not the van, but we will be okay. 

Libby’s rotating seat lift is also totaled.  I cannot move the seat with her into a new vehicle for safety reasons- even though the seat itself wasn’t harmed.    It’s been in a wreck.   That’s a huge loss and getting it replaced is close to $10,000.   All the insurance companies involved are not sure they will pay for the replacement.   It’s going to be okay.  

There is also a deficit of appropriate vehicles for us to buy.   Finding a van or SUV that can accommodate Liberty’s very specific needs is difficult.  She needs a door that will open very wide or is a slide in.  Her body doesn’t always bend and  her legs may not fold while getting in the vehicle.   (I’ve been doing a modified version of the “Cop Dip” to get her upper half into our rental which does work, but it’s hard on her body and hurts.)   
The rental goes back tomorrow after over three weeks.  It’s going to be okay.  

I struggle with letting go and letting God be in control. Often,  I think I have a plan.   A big Plan. I’ve gone through all the what if’s and possible road blocks.  I like to think through the ifs and buts and oh no’s of any change.  I create a  plan and begin to believe in how it will work. I made a plan.   I had a plan and God laughed.  A career changing plan. 
I prayed since last year to be ready to leave the classroom and move up into curriculum work and leadership.  I prayed to make me feel ready.   I prayed to be ready for challenges.  After 18 years teaching, I was ready.  I submitted the necessary paperwork and was in the race,  but it didn’t happen.   

I was passed over.  Not hired.  Not enough. Just not.  

And God laughed- gently. I don’t carry fear around as my faith allows me to let that go.   But the bitterness and hurt I gained after the rejection, has been a Military size ruck sack through my days.   All of the insecure doubts were dangerous hitchhikers to my  daily life. 
What could I do better? 
What am I not doing?
What do I need to learn and change?  
What did the other person do  better than what I do?
Why not me?

Passed over. 
Not chosen. 
Not enough.  

Finally, I went back into prayer as bitterness is a poison.  After a timely conversation with two amazing educators who are also people of faith, I was able to find some perspective. 

I don’t think we’re supposed to try to make these big plans without taking our ideas to our God.    I wanted a change and move up.  I wanted a break from teaching because I am tired.    I wanted a new challenge.  I wanted. 

God has plans for me.  There are other races I’m supposed to be in.  This was my third attempt to move out of the classroom.  Don’t think that’s the plan.  I’ve come to peace with it for now.   I learned more about myself and how I lead through action and not words.  No matter, I am blessed to teach and serve students through my current position and I know great things are coming every day.  

And I have the swanky participation medal from my Higher Power.   We make plans and God just laughs as they have plan in place for us that we can’t see.   So we put our name in the race that we want to win in and God gives us the participation medal to acknowledge our growth, not our follies.  Winning isn’t about the big medal; it’s about the growing in between.   I’ll take this lesson and carry on, placing this new trophy in my shelf.  God laughs.  We make plans, and we GROW.


Be blessed and know that you are a masterpiece; a single piece made from a Master. 

Friday, August 16, 2019

Swimming against the tide

If you’ve ever been swimming in open water you know the sensation as you wade into the water.   Deeper and deeper you walk forward anticipating the moment you become weightless and the water carries you.  Whether there is a tide or not, the water takes over some degree of control.  Even the strongest of swimmers can be swept away unexpectedly.    

Arms pulling forward and legs kicking for and against the tide to advance towards your destination an agreement between you and the water is found. With practice breathing only adds to the rhythmic action of the swim.  Pull, pull, breathe.  Pull, pull, breathe.   Forward I go.   

During some swims I can cometely zone out of the lists of to do’s and issues to conquer.  Other times the current, or an errant ball from a group of little swimmers,  takes me out of my reverie catching me   off guard.   Breathing and swim strokes are disrupted.    Reality returns and I lose my breath.      I already have too much reality.  

This long distance swim, waiting for and knowing a rip tide can pull you under any time, IS life with Liberty.   

I started back to school two weeks ago and my students  started Tuesday.  It has been amazing to start getting to know this brilliant group of people.  I am already excited to see them every day.   

We’ve been just rolling on until yesterday  afternoon when something happened with her feeding tube.  I flushed it and changed the dressing.   Seemed mostly okay.  We went about our errands and finally made it home for shower and nite-nite.  

This morning I couldn’t get the formula to go into her  tube.  The feeding tube was no longer placed correctly and has dislodged.  Instead of going and teaching the first Friday of this school year I brought her to the ER.    

No matter how strong of a swimmer I am I can never seem to anticipate the waves.  I can calculate the crazy effect of the full moon on the tides, but not the effect of having Liberty. 

Here’s the cyclonic issue: is it worth replacing the tube again?    This will be the fourth time since last Thanksgiving.  It isn’t fun holding Libby through each replacement.   Hoping and praying that once again they can simply trace the last track and put in a new feeding tube. Praying for  a few more extra calories for this day.  A few more.  The singular  upside is that her weight has been fairly stable since March.  






I’ve had some very difficult and honest conversations with her primary care doctor in the last six months.   Since there are no cases exactly like hers there are no maps to follow.   Have been advised to keep her happy and as healthy as possible... And to make sure our Power of Attorney covers a DNR.   I will ensure Libby’s happiness and comfort every  moment I can.   

Can’t train enough to be prepared for any of this really.   Just have to continue to be the best swimmer possible.   And push to keep swimming.  

Because they were going to have to change the size of Libby’s tube, they had to sedate her. She now has a shiny new tube and we are exhausted.    Time to continue the swim. 

Love to all
Ileana 

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Just like that

We’ve finished another year of teaching.   It’s amazing how long the days are and how fast the weeks go by.   Each year I think I cannot ever love a group of students as much as I’ve loved this one. No possible way.    Then I find that I can love  more.   I struggled so much this year with my own defeats that I wasn’t sure that I had made the relationships with my kiddos that I have in the past.   I was wrong.  It is a gift to have so many young adults care for you.    A true gift.  That’s part of what we cling to during the darker days of the school year.  

   I view the glory of the end of this year with tinted lenses. Several of the students that Libby went through school with have graduated from college. This really hit me yesterday, last day of school,  as I went to give Libby her 6am feeding and start getting her dressed.   Her feeding tube was out- again.   Last day of school when grades are due and mandatory check out procedures have to be completed.   That didn’t matter as much as desperately trying to coax the tube back into her belly to avoid the trip to the ER.  

    Called  our head  secretary Becky, who is amazing, and told her the funny news that we’re heading to the ER instead of school. Not funny, but you gotta laugh. 
 The attending doctor couldn’t get a feeding tube back in as the track was already closing up.  So off to radiology we go. Luckily Liberty feels pressure around her tube, but not pain. So grateful for that.  I had to look away several times as they had to stretch out the tract to get the new tube in.  Brutal.  
      I would give everything I have to take even a part of her conditions away.    If only it worked that way.   
      Don’t know how many more times I’ll be willing to put Liberty  through procedures like this.   The feeding tube is keeping her weight steady for the most part, but she still loses a little weight at every check in. It is necessary to help her get the additional nutrients she needs.  

     


Here’s the epiphany: while her peers are getting married, having babies, or graduating college Libby got a new feeding tube.  Could spend a lot of time being sad.   Instead, I have to acknowledge that and move on.   I have nothing but happiness and love for her peers.  Hope for where they are going and their our journeys. For us, this isn’t the life we dreamt of for her.  No parent would wish for this.  Not the life she asked for either. But it’s the life we have.   We are grateful for the days with her even the hard ones.   We are all changed by Liberty and her conditions.  All of us.  Our goals and priorities are different.   Everything is different. And that’s okay.   

   It’s okay. Sometimes it’s heartbreaking and sometimes it’s heart-taking, but this life remains beautiful.  And better than I could’ve imagined.  


Sunday, March 18, 2018

Onward.


Happy March!

The days seem to just roll on by.  Since Liberty’s art show and birthday celebration we have pushed through the weeks and made it past Spring Break.   

Gratefully some of the fruit of our efforts and the kindness of others have enhanced Libby’s life.  Using the proceeds from any art that was bought and a generous donation we were able to pay our portion in getting this transfer chair.   It will be a day chair when we’re home and allow us to transfer her straight into bed when needed.   
I am so very grateful to everyone who made Liberty’s birthday and art show a success.  Thank you.  



The chair is named the BEAST.   



Pretty swanky chair. 



Dyron Howell from Snack Pak 4 Kids bought one of Libby’s art pieces and  has hung it in the warehouse.  This organization is such a blessing and continues to make our lives better.  


Libby at her art show. 

The gorgeous cake Grandma Linda made. 


  We go to the urologist tomorrow for some not so kind tests to see about her urological status.    

Please know that each of you is a blessing as we continue to get through everyday with more smiles than frowns and sharing our joy where we can. 

Be blessed.  

Friday, January 26, 2018

Growing Pains

     When I was little I would wake up in the middle of the night with terrible leg cramps.  Jumping out of bed and hopping around- stretching until the pain subsided. It was years later that I learned that by keeping moving I made the growing pains release sooner.  In my world still have to keep moving even if there is a little pain involved. 


     We went to Cook Children’s for a refill on her Baclofen Pump. During the visit we were told that we would need to “find someone” to manage her pump and DBS now that she is “of age.”  Not what I wanted to hear. 
         I love this hospital- it’s doctors and staff.  It is here that we found so many answers and opportunities.  Our beloved doc, Dr. Hottie, has done the testing and questing for our girl for eight years.  It is my trust in him and this place that allowed for the placement of the deep brain stimulators and the baclofen pump.   I do realize that as she progresses we will need someone closer to where we live, and this switch won’t happen overnight.  I love this hospital, and it will hurt to not have the comfort we get there. 

Little One ready to deliver a painting to her doctor, and he wasn’t there.   
   
        Libby’s pump is pumping and her Deep Brain Stimulators are stimulating.  Her weight has been steady since December 8!  That is a huge blessing!  I was warned that as her conditions progress it will be harder and harder for her bionic interventions to make a discernible difference in her tone. I’d rather not know exactly how stiff and spastic she is without the muscle relaxer or the electronic impulses. Some relief is always better than no relief. 

         So, we will be stretching and moving through this transition to an adult neurologist.  Luckily, Libby has an appointment next week with her primary care physician for a complete check up.  It has been a shamefully long time since she has had all the blood work done, so I look forward to establishing a baseline. I will request the referrals needed and move through these growing pains.  

      Be blessed and know that you are loved and appreciated. 
ileana


**Following are pictures from the pump refil procedure. If you are needle shy don’t look.  






               




Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Eight Years

        A brief and mostly complete history.  What’s been left out is the laughing and praying with splashes of gnashing and wailing.   

        2007-Liberty was normal and healthy through the age of nine. At this age she had three seizures starting that summer and ending within that year.  The first one was the night after we arrived home from a family camping trip to Southern Utah.  

        2007-2009 lots of tests in Amarillo, and then Lubbock, to verify and find the cause of these seizures.   They simply went away as many undiagnosed seizure disorders do in preadolescents. 

         Life rolled on ebbing and flowing through her upper elementary years.

        2011- In the spring we noticed Libby’s handwriting getting harder and harder to read.  We also noticed that her speech was changing.   We assumed that she was lacking confidence as her world was changing; the  loss of her grandfather and her sister getting ready to graduate. 
          We got her into voice lessons and really started paying closer attention to our little one.  
        2011- In the fall she passed her physical fitness test, and her yearly physical.   She started her menstrual cycle. Life started our great.  
          She starting stumbling and falling.    Was sneaking the bendy straws and spoons with her lunch.  Her handwriting was mostly illegible, and her grades were low.  Her locker and backpack were a complete mess.   We requested testing for learning disabilities thinking that those seizures could have messed up her wiring.   Or something else.   
           October 2, the diagnostician called on my way home. She had completed the testing and told me that she believed there was something medically wrong.  We were encouraged to take Libby to a doctor.    We did just that.  
             Libby collapsed walking home from school.   Neighbors witnessed the fall; her legs quit working.  Fastest drive from Caprock to Happy ever.  
             We went from family doctor, to NWTH, to Lubbock Children’s for lots of testing and no answers.   The Lubbock doctor said he didn’t know what was happening, but it was severe.  Libby’s motor skills were degenerating as if she had a traumatic brain injury.  We were referred to Cook Children’s in Ft. Worth.  
              Libby was no longer feeding or bathing herself.  We  were helping her dress.  She couldn’t be left sitting alone.  
             November- first visit and first round of doctors scheduled a few basic tests and scheduled us to return in a week.   We did.  We drove home, and decorated our house for Christmas.    I didn’t want to return home and not have that tradition glowingly greeting us.   
               Libby was checked into the hospital and there we stayed for ten days.  A few things they  tested for were: MS, ALS, HIV, cancers, Huntington’s, Wilson’s, Cerebral Palsy, and Muscular Dystrophy.  Tests done included lots of blood work, scans, lumbar punctures and a liver biopsy.  
             Libby continued to lose more and more of her faculties.   We were released with no answers about what was happening, but lots of info about what she didn’t have.  The doctor told us to get her baptized and prepare our family as they didn’t know what was happening.  
            We drove home on Thanksgiving Day.  Ate chicken nuggets from an Allsups.  

         We tried to keep her happy, but she a little wolf girl in captivity.   She does not flourish in the hospitals. 


             One test was completed in Amarillo on order from our new doctor: eye scans. It was the eye doctor who also tested for Cat Scratch Fever, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, and Lyme.   The Lyme came back positive. That is and remains the only positive test result we have ever received.   There was never a bulls eye rash, nor flu symptoms. 
 
           2017- November finds us clinging to our little one. She now has the neurological and muscular diagnoses of Parkinson’s, Bladder sphincter dyssynergia, 
dystonia, spasticity, ataxia and speech apraxia.   
 
            She has been on a five pill a day schedule for years; her main one is the Parkinson’s drug.    She has a baclofen pump, as of last Thanksgiving.   And Deep Brain Stimulator which we charge about every other day.    

            We’ve tried lots of things including physical and occupational therapy, clean eating, weighted blanket, and even blessed water.   Libby’s body continues to stiffen and struggle.  

         This Thanksgiving I will cook all the stuff and put up all the decorations.  I may even run the turkey trot.  I will relish every moment of this time.   This is the first time in these eight years that we haven’t been going to or driving back from Ft. Worth. The first time.  

           Nothing is promised.   Sometimes bad things happen for no reason.   Everyday we are blessed.   This is our bonus time with her and ourselves.   One day we may know exactly when she got the bite or where, but I doubt it.  I won’t hang my hat on that kind of answer.   Instead, I will focus on how well I’ve taken care of her and how happy she is.    

             Be blessed and realize your blessings.   Love you all. 
            

Monday, February 15, 2016

Bargaining

I haven't posted in awhile as we've been crazy busy and blessed. Libby's dream of going to college has been challenged in several fronts. She finished the semester strong and did well in her art courses; her required basic courses didn't go so well.  Timed reading and math tests don't work for her.  Despite the best efforts of Mariah Jennings and Jennifer Collins, Libby's grades weren't what they needed to be. 

I took a protective easy out and changed Libby's degree plan to a certificate program. This way she doesn't have to take anymore reading or math courses- focussing only in her art and fun stuff. By doing this we lost financial aid and I guess that's the other side of this bargain. Libby continues in college and it will cost us some extra money.

She is taking basic theater and speech communications, along with her art classes.  Learning to navigate the computerized world of graphic design seems daunting, but I'm down for a challenge. I just hope she is. 

We had an appointment with Dr. Hottie at 11:45 and didn't get to leave until after 4:00.  Libby got her Botox, which she needed, and we made plans to do a Baclofen trial as soon as we can get it scheduled. Considering a Baclofen Pump hasn't been something I wanted to do, but if it will keep some of the fogginess out of her brain I am willing. 

I also haven't thought a stomach tube is a possibility, but to ensure her health and get nutrients into her it may be something we move towards. Not yet though.

She's been having terrible nosebleeds. Gross, heavy, unpredictable bleeds. Yuck.  Doc ordered some tests and we were at Cook Children's for longer than expected.

We did a Baclofen trial several years ago and it didn't go well. After the test, Libby couldn't walk- that was back when she could still walk. I can remember saying to our Doc after last trial that I "didn't want to risk her mobility" and he reminded me that one day I might reconsider. Yep, reconsidering. I bargained back then. 

My bargaining happens within my heart as I reach up and out to Powers bigger than me. I am brutally frank!during these discussions because my God never lies to me. 

Years ago- Please, keep Libby's legs moving, we can't carry her.  
Well, turns out we can.

Then- Please keep Liberty's bowels and urination normal. Just let that cup pass without touching her and I'll not complain about lifting her.   
Well, turns out I can handle incontinence pretty well. (High level of suckage though! What college kid wants to worry about THAT happening in class?) Geez!

Next- Please don't let Libby waste, help me keep a healthy weight on her. 
Now I get it. This is human error.

There have been many times in my life where I have found myself offering deals to my higher power.  "Please, please don't let_______ happen.  If it doesn't happen then I'll not ever complain about ________.  This is not an equal exchange, it is bargaining.  When bargaining, someone seems to come up with less than desired.

As a flawed person, I can't offer bargains. I don't think anyone can. We do this when we know something is the truth and don't want to accept it. We make offers that we mostly can't fulfill.  I don't complain outloud about lifting Liberty or about completely bizarre and erratic inability to control her pee, but I yell it in my heart. 

" I didn't sign up for this!" Or "Come on, give us a break!" And "what am I doing wrong that this is happening?" Closely following "what can I give up to stop this?"  

I believe that I can't stop or control how Liberty's disease progresses. Aside from food, pills, and potty times, I don't have control.  

I have to trust that although the road may be ugly and hard, we are loved and supported.  I don't have to worry about tomorrow, no bargains needed, as we have love and support.

 Lyme, Parkinson's, and Dystonia suck and they are hateful adversary's who are busy stealing Liberty away.  I can't bargain against evil, instead I will rejoice in hope. 

No, I am not giving up.  I will always "rage" against the progression of Libby's condition. 
Always with hope- even when it's audaciously hard. 

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Six Year Diagnosi-versary

I     It was a lifetime ago when we got one of the best and yet convoluted phone calls ever.  The call that meant that Liberty had a diagnosis-finally.  We had something to fight against and a possible direction to follow. 
     After months of testing, while Libby lost the ability to walk, talk, and feed herself, and many, many specialists we had a positive.  She tested positive for a test that the eye doctor had ordered; positive for Lyme disease.  That doctor's nurse was happy to tell me that after a round of antibiotics she should "be just fine".   I called our Neurologist and told his nurse. We got an excited return call as Dr. Acosta believed that she would return to a new kind of normal if we could stop the brain atrophy from continuing.  
     We began massive amounts of research and queries into what we now know is the world of Lyme.  Because the American Medical Association doesn't believe that Chronic Lyme exists, there aren't  accessible treatments. In the eastern and south eastern parts of the U.S. Specialists exist that believe that even after Lyme has been attacking the body for years you can be "cured".   Libby has had several regular rounds of antibiotics and IV antibiotics for 30 days. Nothing changed. You can't grow back part of the brain that has died. 
**New research continues for Chronic Lyme.  
      Our reality is different.  Lyme gave us a seriously atrophied brain and a greatly compromised neurological system.  Then came the diagnosis' of Parkinson's, Dystonia, severe spasticity, ataxia and speech apraxia.   Cycles of meds, tests, medical staffing, more tests and new meds have left us with a pretty good idea of where we stand. 
      Our most recent evil gift is Detrusor Sphincter Dyssynergia; Libby's brain and her bladder/colon do not communicate on a consistent basis.  A bathroom, fluid/food schedule, and preparedness are our current method of defense.  I have to admit that this part sucks on a whole new level. 
      She's had years of speech, physical and occupational therapies that have given me a love/hate relationship with these wonderful professionals.  Mention "therapy" to Liberty and she will give you an ugly look. 
       Sometimes I wonder what our life would be like if we didn't get that initial diagnosis.  Would she still be here? What treatments and meds would we have pumped her full of trying to keep her alive and going?   Knowing your enemy is better than not. 
      
      The good news is that her brain has been stable and no new signs of atrophy since the last scans.  Not willing to lose more of her.  
     The other news is that Parkinson's and Dystonia continue to ravage her body, but we have an every three month regimen of Botox, five time a day pill schedule, and her Deep Brain Stimulators that we check/charge daily.  
In the future she may get a baclofen pump and maybe surgical relaxation of her hands.  
     Most importantly is that she is stil here. Her beautiful personality shines past everything. There are things that happen in life that truly aren't fair. Things happen that just suck and that aren't deserved. I have taken the blame for her infection and her illness in the eyes of many.  I wish I could take her illness from her, but I can't.  I would give anything to carry this for her, but I can't. I can only continue to be her voice, her muscle, and her advocate.  
      In the six years Libby graduated from high school, I completed two Master's Degrees, Rachael has almost completed her Doctorate, and after several changes in degree plans, Mariah is nearing the end of her college time.  I can't say that I have regrets for the last six years as I believe we have done our very best for Liberty medically, socially, educationally, and emitionally. There are so many things that could have happened to this child and I am always grateful to have had the chance to fight for her.  
     We continue to be blessed and know that we make choices everyday to live the best life we possibly can and to not let our circumstances determine out outcomes.  I believe in hope. 
Happy diagnosi-versary. 

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Libby's Story

In the past several weeks we have met two new doctors, two new therapists, and Libby has attracted several admirers.  She seems to gather people to her and each one, whether new professional or random passerby wants to know her story.  It used to feel like a bite was being taken out of me every time I told the story.  Now, it is a review process that allows me the chance to remember and remind myself of how far we have come.

Libby was born on her due date perfectly normal.  She had RSV a couple of times as was going around in 1999, other than that no problems.
She met every cognitive and physical measure early including crawling out of her crib at 9 months.  She was so adventurous that she could have been hurt many times.  Libby loved to climb and hide. She would climb up anything she could, including bookcases, weight racks, and later tops of cars and trees.  She earned the nick name "Eagle Eye" as she is able to see things others miss. 
If there was a way to push the boundary, she would find it. She is the personification of her name in every way.  She didn't care about rules and hated being told to speak to people on command, and Lord help you if you wanted her to hug someone.  Liberty didn't perform on command.  Now, let her listen to a song once or twice and she would memorize it.  By four I could challenge her to see if she could memorize a song faster than me.   I could begin a song lyric and she would finish it.
We were outside people. We camped, hiked, worked in Palo Duro Canyon, and Geo-cached everywhere we could.   It was no big deal for us to play in the water in the Canyon, or return from hiking, and then check each other for bites.  It's awkward, but it is what you do, especially when the grasses are taller than your kid.  This is the Texas Panhandle and if the heat and cold don't kill you, then there are plenty of things that'll bite you.

5th grade, Libby was Commended in her Reading, was rocking her trumpeting skills in band, singing in front of everyone every week at church, and working on her basketball skills. The math and physical coordination genes did miss this kid.  Math and coordination did not come naturally. Socially, she preferred animals to people and would rather play than play girly stuff.  She is my little wolf.  
The night we returned from our last big camping trip, where we had been to Southern Utah in 2007 and Libby had what we believe was a seizure.   Mariah woke us up and seeing Libby mid-seize on the top bunk changed everything.  We headed to the nearest hospital by ambulance and our testing trials began.  Even though there was blood taken, there was little analysis and we were only given advice to get her seen by someone who deals with seizures.  We brought up several times the long camping trip and the land, lakes, and streams we had been swimming, fishing, and hiking in.  

The next morning we were sitting in our pediatrician's office and were then sent with referrals to get the EEG and EKG to see if there was anything neurologically wrong.  Over the next year Libby had visited hospitals in Amarillo and Lubbock had three more seizures, many EKG and EEG's, MRI's, sleep studies, and lots of blood work.  Nothing.  Everything came back normal.  We carried paperwork that stated she had an Undiagnosed Seizure disorder.

In November of 2007, Libby's Grandpa Collins left us.  She didn't cry for months.   She stopped drawing and writing her stories.

The next year, 2008-2009, 6th grade seemed fairly normal. August, 2008, we lost her Grandfather Jennings. Her big sister, Mariah, was a senior and the world was changing, so normal may be the wrong term.  Looking back there were many signs that something was affecting Liberty neurologically.  You don't know what you don't know. Her speech showed some weirdness, where she would drop off parts of words.  Interestingly, her singing remained outstanding.  Her ability to play her trumpet at the high level she had before remained the static, except for sometimes she showed an inability to sustain the breath needed.    Her handwriting got weird, really weird.    But this is the kid who invented her own writing that was only to be read by animals with paws when she was three or four, so weird handwriting- eh.  She started sneaking spoons to school in her lunch box instead of forks.  She also started using bendy straws, we call them "sick straws" as well.  Her shirts had some weird stains and I would find them hidden in weird places. She tried to shave her legs for the first time and called me crying because she had cut her leg, also not unusual.  Now, when she decided to use a razor to trim her eyebrow and called me with a thug looking brown into the bathroom, I took the razor away from the kid who was shaking.  Once we made it through Mariah's graduation and summer hit, we got Libby into singing lessons.  We did elocution practice at home, as well as some handwriting review.  We spent that summer building up Libby's self-esteem.  (I thought she was acting out because of the loss of her Grandpa and her sister graduating.)

I noticed a tremor in her hands and started watching her blood sugars and eating patterns.  Diabetes runs in my family. I noticed that she spilled food a lot and had trouble drinking unless she used a straw.   She had probably been having hand tremors for a while and had hid it.

In July, 2009, she started her menstrual cycle.  In August she passed her yearly Pediatric check-up and we were reminded to keep an eye on her emotions as she may be depressed and reacting to Mariah and many changes.  She also passed her athletic physical to play basketball and tennis.

We went on a regular hike, a long hot hike, and I basically had to carry Libby back.  She said her left leg hurt and didn't feel right.  I thought she was being a princess butt and was tired.

7th grade started and her teachers began contacting us about changes they were noticing in Libby.  She was referred to a local psychiatrist.  I made an appointment for the middle of October to check in with our Pediatrician. The school's diagnostician did some cognitive tests and called me on October 2, 2009, my 39th birthday.  She said that she thought that what was going on with Libby was biological and that she thought something was wrong.

By the end of the first six weeks of her 7th grade year, 2009-2010, Libby was falling a lot, her left arm was curling in whenever she ran, she couldn't get a spoon to her mouth, she couldn't rinse out her hair, her handwriting was illegible, her speech was disintegrating and she collapsed one day on the way home from school.  An ambulance brought her to the nearest clinic, her Pediatrician's clinic and all tests showed nothing.  She must be very tired.

We saw our regular doctor and then more test at the hospital in Amarillo, then on to Lubbock.  The Neurologist was in Lubbock, the same one that we had seen for the seizures. We were referred to Cook Children's in Ft. Worth.  We arrived on a Thursday evening in November, by now we are helping her shower, dress and feed herself.    That Friday, the first doctor we saw referred us to another and ordered tests.  We were to go home, pack, and return on Monday prepared for a long stay.

We were in the hospital for 14 days.  During that time every sort of test you can imagine was run. At first, they thought she had a very progressive form of early onset Multiple Sclerosis, or Huntington's, or a form of Palsy, maybe she had gone through multiple strokes, ALS, Wilson's, Meningitis, HIV, and more that we cannot even remember. Libby had blood tests, EKG, EEG, Lumbar puncture, Liver biopsy, more blood tests, and an MRI with and without resolution.

The MRI showed an area in her right frontal lobe the size of quarter which had undergone atrophy or necrosis.  Her brain was also smaller than it should be. Basically, that portion was dead and not working.  This area had been missed by all the other MRI machines she had been in.  The one at Cook Children's had more power or resolution.  What our doctor, Libby named him Dr. Hottie, said is that something had probably been killing that part of her brain for a long time and that she had slowly been losing her fine and major motor skills for all of that time.  It had finally reached a critical mass and that is why it seemed like she had fallen apart all at once.

Her Lumbar puncture showed something, a possible form of Encephalitis. He gathered a crew of specialists, including a Geneticist, who did all of the background testing possible.  Down to requesting the chemical results from our water system here at home in Happy.  They also had Carbon Dioxide detectors placed in our house just to make sure.  We asked again if she could have caught something during our outdoor exploits.

We were told at a staffing, think of the TV show "House", to start thinking about whether we wanted quality or quantity of life for Libby.  We were released on Thanksgiving Day, 2009, with two more referrals back home, therapy referrals, a prescription for a Parkinson's medication, Sinemet, and follow up appointments at Cook Children's.  We were told to get her baptized and prepare our family, at the rate her degeneration was progressing we didn't have much time.

The first appointment was a basic eye appointment further testing for Wilson's, or other genetic abnormalities.  Christmas happened.  New Years happened.  We were in shock and grateful to be home.  My little wolf cub doesn't do well in captivity.  On January 2, we saw an Opthmologist.  After going through the whole background, he performed his regular eye exams and asked if she had been tested for Lyme disease.  He ordered blood tests, didn't know eye doctor's could do that, for Cat Scratch Fever, Lyme, and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.

January 10, 2010 the results came back positive for Lyme through the ELISA Lyme test.  I called our doc at Cook Children's and left a message about the results.  He called back and said this could have been caused by Lyme. Our local Pediatric doc and Dr. Hottie agreed to a two week course of antibiotics to cure her of Lyme.  That is what the American Medical Association, AMA, recommends.

She wasn't cured.  We began researching immediately and found that there are cases world wide of terrible unexplained illnesses that have been traced back to Lyme. We also learned of governments' world-wide not treating Chronic or long term Lyme.   We also learned that there should have been a bulls-eye rash followed by flu like symptoms, although the bulls-eye rash does not appear in about half of the Lyme cases.  Libby never had a rash.  When camping, we showered in two's.  After hiking we checked each other.  Many, many cases of Lyme go unnoticed because there is no rash and no flu like symptoms.   We also learned that Lyme was rare in our area.  We also learned that many people die because Lyme likes to attack hearts.  Libby's heart is still good.  Her neurological state has been decimated.

We have continued to get our main treatments and testing done in Ft. Worth.  Each time there may be a new specialist to meet, different tests to be done, new meds to try, something.  In 2012, we met with a Pediatric Rheumatologist and an Immunologist.  They ordered a PIC line and a six week protocol of heavy duty antibiotics, since that was then what the American Medical Association recommended for tougher cases of Lyme.  She wasn't cured.

She has never tested positive for anything else.  Most gratefully she has not had any other seizures.

We have had our genes mapped and there is nothing genetically wrong with her.  She has been diagnosed with Secondary Parkinson's, Spasticity, Ataxia, Speech Apraxia, and my least favorite, Dystonia.   On medical paperwork she has Arthropod Borne Encephalitis.   Because her body has progressed in its muscular retraction and contraction, Libby now has Deep Brain Stimulator's.  We get the battery charge adjusted every three months, along with Botox injections.

She has had two sets of AFO leg braces, lots of hand braces and a neck brace.  We are on our second wheelchair and are looking into a third. we have gone through three different therapy places and are starting on our fourth.

She takes Sinemet, Baclofen, and Chlonazepam.  What started as a turned in left hand, has travelled to her left leg, then foot, then right hand, then right leg, the right foot, and her neck.  Parkinson's has given us an additional gift with swallowing issues that are made worse by the Botox that loosens up the rest of her body.

Libby's left foot has reached 90% Achille's contracture and we will be having bi-lateral tendon release in just over a week.   Then we can work on walking more.  We may also have a similar surgery done on her hands.  Anything to help her move better.

Before her DBS she wanted to dance at her prom and walk the stage, she's done both. 

Tomorrow we go for her required Department of Aging and Rehabilitative services Neuro Cognitive testing.  They have to prove whether or not she is employable in order to provide services.  We have to go through DARS to help get services for Libby and college.  DARS is the gatekeeper to many services for Libby.   We really still don't know how life after high school will look for her, but we do know that she will have a life.

Liberty wants to be an artist.  Her body is degenerating at a progressive rate and yet her mind and her personality are still there.  She has hopes and dreams and is the toughest person I know.  This is not my story to tell, this is hers.  We are still learning Liberty.