I have always cherished the beauty of the Easter season. As a child Easter meant going to the garage sales with my Godmother to get a frilly dress, girdle, and “clicky” shoes. Not to mention getting my hair pressed to set the curls in the right places. I can still smell the rolls rising, deviled eggs, as the Ham baked for our after-church Easter Meal.
In church, Easter meant bright colors came out of their hiding to usher us into a new season. The hope of resurrection filled the world with a cacophony of risen life in both flora and fauna. Easter is the time of resilience and re-beginnings.
"There is Jesus"Yet, before we get to that time of celebration there are the deep, dry, and cold parts of winter. I am not comfortable in the dark, and this year Dark invited strange high winds that seem to stay on the Panhandle stage for encore after encore. The trifecta of cold, dark, and windy means there aren’t many chances of running or biking outside, but I still didn’t welcome the winter blues this year as I have in the past yearning to be outside. I am better when I can be outside. "When It Don't Come Easy" I don't think I am the only one struggling to not pick up the pent-up yuck of winter.
This year, I am coveting the starkness of Lent, and the simplicity of giving away what weighs us down. As much as I relish the chance to love an unadorned church, I revel in the beauty rolling into the fully dressed church on a tide of colors. As simple as the church is when She is in Lent, She is just as surprisingly complex during Easter Tide. That contrast is part of my own emotional, physical, and spiritual rotation.
The more I am coming out of my Grief fog, the more I am realizing what is better for my whole self. That means I am finding time to be outside or get into the pool for laps- even if it is in short adventures.
Easter and all of the beauty that comes along with Spring feels like I’ve been charged with glorious enlivened growth. We’ve even had several little teasing spots of rain and even the dirt is wearing a “Spring come here to me” smell. Last week, 3/22, I had a doctor's checkup and afterward, I gleefully took myself to Palo Duro Canyon. I had three hours before I had to return to school; I took a half day. What beauty did I find? No longer is the Canyon wearing the almost simple pallet of winter yellows and grays. She is wearing lots of copper red and infantile greens as she gears up for the seasonal change.
I saw all these beautiful friends and sang my way down the trail. Then I saw the most amazing gift: I stopped to look at the stream and saw an adolescent Coyote across the stream. I didn’t get a picture because she was looking right at me and I began to cry… She stood completely still and then nodded her head as she sniffed in my direction. She was shedding her winter fur, as am I. Then I realized that her muzzle had red specks in her fur.
Libby was always the Wolf, the Coyote, the Fox: all the Canid. I just kept singing “Hi Libby- Hi Libby- Hi Libby.” I uh may have tried to follow that coyote for quite a while, and I could not keep up. I couldn’t keep up with her.
I choose to believe that Liberty needed to see me as much as I needed to feel her presence. I choose to believe that Liberty was letting me know that she is eating after so long struggling to eat. I choose to believe that she is growing in her new realm by running fast as did so long ago. I cannot say that I don’t miss her physical presence every day, but I am grateful that she is free of physical problems. She has shed her body, just as the coyote is shedding blood-stained fur. Every Easter we can clean out the negative and water the positive; we too can shed what doesn’t serve us.
"Hold My Hand"As everything is dynamically changing, and growing in this Eastertide I pray that we can be refreshed in this season. I know that I am surrounded by love and support and for that I am grateful. Please continue to say her name and keep her in our hearts. Pray for her other family members and of course, for her amazing sister and Derrick. We are all running in our own ways. We are all learning and growing in our own ways. As stark as parts of winter have been, Spring can be a fantastic race of growing and shifting into a better and stronger version of ourselves. Run fast little one- I will always be cheering you on.
