We make plans and God laughs. Belly laughs. Please
Don’t take this to be sad; we are learning and growing as we go. I am always grateful to be able to mother and teach. Always.
The Intro:
We finished. We finished the school year. We crafted beautiful relationships with our students and peers. We navigated teaching with a mask, cleaning between every class, virtual learning, changes in state tests, taking state and national tests, many, many students and staff being quarantined, and a move across campus to a new classroom.
We finished and I am a worn out dish rag during canning season. We finished and yet so much is still unknown. Living in the unknown is okay.
Everyday seems to bring new challenges and new lessons. I learned that working on the relationships with my students and peers is the most precious part of my job. I also learned that all of the Pine Sol and Fabuloso was worth it. I don’t feel like I was half the teacher I normally am this year, yet I pray my students felt safe, loved, and heard. They’re going to be okay.
Finger Update:
Libby’s finger is still healing from her venture into cannibalism (I know, that’s not appropriate, but funny). She’s wearing the Mit of Shame everyday to protect her left hand.
That giant white pillowy thing is her Mit. It’s not perfect, but it’s working. Her hand is going to be okay.
Van Update:
My lovely Toyota van has been totaled. I signed the release papers Wednesday, cleaned it out, and said farewell. The front end damage was too extensive for insurance to fix. So, it is gone. It’s going to be okay, not the van, but we will be okay.
Libby’s rotating seat lift is also totaled. I cannot move the seat with her into a new vehicle for safety reasons- even though the seat itself wasn’t harmed. It’s been in a wreck. That’s a huge loss and getting it replaced is close to $10,000. All the insurance companies involved are not sure they will pay for the replacement. It’s going to be okay.
There is also a deficit of appropriate vehicles for us to buy. Finding a van or SUV that can accommodate Liberty’s very specific needs is difficult. She needs a door that will open very wide or is a slide in. Her body doesn’t always bend and her legs may not fold while getting in the vehicle. (I’ve been doing a modified version of the “Cop Dip” to get her upper half into our rental which does work, but it’s hard on her body and hurts.)
The rental goes back tomorrow after over three weeks. It’s going to be okay.
I struggle with letting go and letting God be in control. Often, I think I have a plan. A big Plan. I’ve gone through all the what if’s and possible road blocks. I like to think through the ifs and buts and oh no’s of any change. I create a plan and begin to believe in how it will work. I made a plan. I had a plan and God laughed. A career changing plan.
I prayed since last year to be ready to leave the classroom and move up into curriculum work and leadership. I prayed to make me feel ready. I prayed to be ready for challenges. After 18 years teaching, I was ready. I submitted the necessary paperwork and was in the race, but it didn’t happen.
I was passed over. Not hired. Not enough. Just not.
And God laughed- gently. I don’t carry fear around as my faith allows me to let that go. But the bitterness and hurt I gained after the rejection, has been a Military size ruck sack through my days. All of the insecure doubts were dangerous hitchhikers to my daily life.
What could I do better?
What am I not doing?
What do I need to learn and change?
What did the other person do better than what I do?
Why not me?
Passed over.
Not chosen.
Not enough.
Finally, I went back into prayer as bitterness is a poison. After a timely conversation with two amazing educators who are also people of faith, I was able to find some perspective.
I don’t think we’re supposed to try to make these big plans without taking our ideas to our God. I wanted a change and move up. I wanted a break from teaching because I am tired. I wanted a new challenge. I wanted.
God has plans for me. There are other races I’m supposed to be in. This was my third attempt to move out of the classroom. Don’t think that’s the plan. I’ve come to peace with it for now. I learned more about myself and how I lead through action and not words. No matter, I am blessed to teach and serve students through my current position and I know great things are coming every day.
And I have the swanky participation medal from my Higher Power. We make plans and God just laughs as they have plan in place for us that we can’t see. So we put our name in the race that we want to win in and God gives us the participation medal to acknowledge our growth, not our follies. Winning isn’t about the big medal; it’s about the growing in between. I’ll take this lesson and carry on, placing this new trophy in my shelf. God laughs. We make plans, and we GROW.
Be blessed and know that you are a masterpiece; a single piece made from a Master.
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