Before I tackle today, I wanted to reflect.
I've heard and read so many posts about how challenging 2014 was for many people: health problems, money problems, family problems, elder care problems, moral problems, mental health problems, career and goal problems and or course love/relationship problems. I think I may have missed a few boxes, but that's most of them. And it was a year of hope and fear for me. I have not and will not let fear control me. I am blessed.
We made it to HER 18th birthday.
2014- We made plans and took giant leaps of faith. We made mistakes and made better choices. We made more friends that have blessed us and sadly, lost a few older friends. We made significant steps towards our goals as a family. We made our little family stay safe and healthy. We made it. Blessed.
She is 18 and a legal adult.
I won't say that I am not stained by the stress of everything. I know there is a lot going on and I see how Liberty responds when I'm noticeably overwhelmed.
Liberty turned 18 yesterday. Being the parent of a "completely differently-abled" child means that I have to make calls, discuss decisions, plan and have horrible discussions- instead of simply celebrating the fact that she made it to 18. I wanted to complete this week and then begin tackling the planning this next week, but many caring individuals asked me too many questions and pushed me into focussing on the icky parts. We have had to make some painful decisions about Libby and her future.
Last weekend, I was talking to Libby about going to back to school, her upcoming prom, senior photos, and this summer. She informed me that she would be moving out and getting married after graduation, since she will be 18.
I, no one else, I had to remind my child, my baby, that her body doesn't work the way others do and that I would continue taking care of her. You see, she doesn't always remember that her body doesn't work. She doesn't always remember that she has to be lifted many times a day because her legs really aren't working very much anymore. She doesn't remember that she can't feed herself or
clean herself- at all. I have to remind her. That's the awful, terrible part of being this parent, I have to remind her that we have to do things differently. She can't dance like the other kids, but she can dance in her chair on a good day. She can't sing like the other kids, but she can memorize songs with amazing speed. She can't marry at this point. The children she dreams constantly of having are somewhere off in the future.
I could cry and cry until it
feltlike the world spilt in two
but I'll keep being spit back out
because there is so much left for me to do.
I get to continue to pay for her care and for her medical, but have to also ensure that I am legally allowed to do so.
So, this week when being asked whether she wants to go on to college or staying in high school for awhile, all I kept thinking was that she is alive. She is still here. She made it to 18. We were told to "get her baptized and prepare our families" when she was barely 12. She is here and has a purpose.
She is teaching me lessons on gratefulness and complete humility. I have to allow myself to say that sometimes it sucks and hurts so bad I can't breathe and then she tells me to ask for food for her birthday for other kids at her school because they need it. She is teaching me.
Where there is hope there is always a chance and I am "better off for all that we let in". "All That We Let In" by the Indigo Girls
Thank you to everyone for helping make it to this landmark. I have made the calls for transition help to her from high school to her college dreams. We will apply for her SSI. I have begun the next step. But before I table tomorrow, I think I'll relish today. I have two daughters who have made it to 18. I am beyond blessed.
