Betweens

One of the things that is a bother is the between times.   The moments between doctors' calls, consults, research, appointments, and the waiting. The waiting for the return call, to get in to the room, for the doctor, for the information, for the insurance clearance, for the prep for the procedure, for them to take her away- the in betweens.  It is always these moments that are the heaviest to carry.  These moments when there is only waiting to be done.   Sometimes you have a bag of clothes and items that represent your child which you hold on to until whatever is done. Today we are sitting with the empty chair and waiting.  

Today, we know our waiting will come to a positive end and our daughter will return to us and her chair will be filled. Too many times and for so many others, the between times are terrifying steps toward the unknown.  But for us, on the day, we are having Botox throughout her upper body,under anesthesia, so it is not a long nor a scary wait.  But it is still a waiting. Then we wait for her to wake up and head for the actual doctor's visit.   Then we wait for the next referral to a surgeon who can do the similar surgery to Liberty's upcoming Achilles' tendon release, except this surgeon may save her hands from complete retraction. 

Instead of ever allowing the "what if's" to camp out in my heart, in between times I focus my heart on the many children and adults who I love and who may need special thoughts.   I let my mind wander to who has caused me pain or has been in pain themselves.   The past nine months have cost me several friendships and the loss of family members.  Not to mention the emptiness left from the many family deaths in the past year.   For these losses I pray in between for there to be peace and acceptance.

My belief is that those who hurt others are hurting.  Those who hurt- hurt.  To these I send my hope and prayers.   To these I send bits of joy and peace.   This lightens the waiting. 

I always carry thank you and bless you notes in my bag and it is interesting to whom I find myself writing.   Some notes don't get sent because they don't, but most do.   Because in between I have lots to be grateful for.  

In between, when worry, fear, and grief could creep in, I send out positivity and hope. I can't ask that my child be blessed if I am not blessing others.