Showing posts with label speech apraxia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label speech apraxia. Show all posts

Thursday, January 14, 2021

Liberty is 24

       A reboot of a mostly complete history of Liberty’s medical conditions.   What’s been left out is the laughing and joy with splashes of gnashing and wailing along with misplaced guilt and hope. 

        2007-Liberty was normal and healthy through the age of nine. At this age, she had three seizures starting that summer and ending within that year.  The first one was the night after we arrived home from a family camping trip to Southern Utah.  

        2007-2009 lots of tests in Amarillo, and then Lubbock, to verify and find the cause of these seizures.   They simply went away as many undiagnosed seizure disorders do in preadolescents. 

         Life rolled on ebbing and flowing through her upper elementary years.

        2011- In the spring we noticed Libby’s handwriting getting harder and harder to read.  We also noticed that her speech was changing.   We assumed that she was lacking confidence as her world was changing; the loss of her grandfather and her sister getting ready to graduate. 
          We got her into voice lessons and really started paying closer attention to our little one.  
        2011- In the fall she passed her physical fitness test and her yearly physical.   She started her menstrual cycle. Life started our great.  
          She starting stumbling and falling.    Was sneaking the bendy straws and spoons with her lunch.  Her handwriting was mostly illegible, and her grades were low.  Her locker and backpack were a complete mess.   We requested testing for learning disabilities thinking that those seizures could have messed up her wiring.   Or something else.   
           October 2, the diagnostician called on my way home. She had completed the testing and told me that she believed there was something medically wrong.  We were encouraged to take Libby to a doctor.    We did just that.  
             Libby collapsed walking home from school.   Neighbors witnessed the fall; her legs quit working.  Fastest drive from Caprock to Happy ever.  
             We went from a family doctor to NWTH, to Lubbock Children’s for lots of testing and no answers.   The Lubbock doctor said he didn’t know what was happening, but it was severe.  Libby’s motor skills were degenerating as if she had a traumatic brain injury.  We were referred to Cook Children’s in Ft. Worth.  
              Libby was no longer feeding or bathing herself.  We were helping her dress.  She couldn’t be left sitting alone.  
             November- first visit and the first round of doctors scheduled a few basic tests and scheduled us to return in a week.   We did.  We drove home and decorated our house for Christmas.    I didn’t want to return home and not have that tradition glowingly greeting us.   
               Libby was checked into the hospital and there we stayed for ten days.  A few things they tested for were: MS, ALS, HIV, cancers, Huntington’s, Wilson’s, Cerebral Palsy, and Muscular Dystrophy.  Tests done included lots of blood work, scans, lumbar punctures, and a liver biopsy.  
             Libby continued to lose more and more of her faculties.   We were released with no answers about what was happening, but lots of info about what she didn’t have.  The doctor told us to get her baptized and prepare our family as they didn’t know what was happening.  
            We drove home on Thanksgiving Day and shared chicken nuggets from Allsups.  

         We tried to keep her happy, but she is a little wolf girl in captivity.   She does not flourish in the hospitals. 


             One test was completed in Amarillo on order from our new doctor: eye scans. It was the eye doctor who also tested for Cat Scratch Fever, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, and Lyme.   The Lyme came back positive. That is and remains the only positive test result we have ever received.   There was never a bulls-eye rash, nor any flu symptoms. 
 
           2021- January finds us celebrating our little one. She now has the neurological and muscular diagnoses of secondary Parkinson’s, Bladder sphincter dyssynergia, 
dystonia, spasticity, ataxia,  speech apraxia, and currently wasting.   
 
            She has been on a five pill-a-day schedule for years; her main one is the Parkinson’s drug.    She has a baclofen pump, as of last Thanksgiving.   And Deep Brain Stimulator which we charge every other day.   
           As of Thanksgiving 2019, she has a gastric feeding tube to combat her wasting.  She can swallow some very soft foods, but chewing solid or crunchy foods, along with soupy foods doesn’t do well. Because of her spasticity and dystonia, she is burning many more calories than we can get into her by mouth, so we use the feeding tube several times a day.  Her weight had been steady for almost a year. 




            We’ve tried lots of things including physical and occupational therapy, clean eating, weighted blanket, and even blessed water.  At our doctor’s suggestion, we gave up on the Botox injections.  She was getting such high doses without any discernible relief.  Libby’s body continues to stiffen and struggle.  
          We now know that her conditions are all progressive and degenerative.  Our biggest fights are wasting and spasticity.  Her ability to say full words has dissipated.  She can sometimes say one-syllable words like “hi” or “no,” or vocalize the beginning of words.  
            Yet, our songbird continues to hum along and somewhat sing to so many songs.  Most of the time, she can squeal, laugh, and fuss.  Grateful to have some communication with her. 

           Nothing is promised.   Sometimes bad things happen for no reason.   Every day we are blessed.   This is our bonus time with her and ourselves.   One day we may know exactly when she got the bite or where, but I doubt it.  I won’t hang my hat on that kind of answer.   Instead, I will focus on how well I’ve taken care of her and how happy she is.    

             Be blessed and realize your blessings.   Love you all. 
            

Monday, January 8, 2018

Birthday

    Tomorrow Liberty will be 21. In a different world I would have fulfilled my duty and finished raising both of my children.  In a different world Liberty’s body wouldn’t be fighting us at every turn.  In a different world I wouldn’t  have to pray everyday that the spark that keeps her her, stays lit.   I wouldn’t have missed the tick that triggered the decimation of her neurological systems.  Her body wouldn’t be fighting so hard against us. She would be whole, and I wouldn’t be a Forever Special Mommy. 


      But this is our world and she is turning 21.    The insurance companies have been calling and sending information since May that reminds me that she will be 21 and an adult. Reminding me that we have to have her adult medical coverage in place to roll it over before she becomes a legal adult.  I stopped counting the number of calls at 27.  That was in October.    Casually saying that many of her caretaking hours and various programs will be cut as she won’t need the same level of care once she’s an adult. Yep. They’ve obviously never dealt with constant incontinence  in an adult size body.  I am grateful that said insurance has been on top of her transition, and we believe we have the next few steps in place.  And many more appointments in the next month. 


      At her regular Botox in December we were reminded that as her body continues to stiffen and the spasticity worsens the Botox will have less and less effect.  My response is that any relief is still relief.   I have nothing but gratitude for any relief she can get.  She had dropped several more pounds.  This is a huge battle.  Getting calories in her as her body burns them constantly being so tight and spastic. Her muscles are constantly in flexion.  Constantly.  Even in a deep sleep.  That’s with the DBS, Botox, and the Baclofen pump.   Don’t want to see her without it. 

       Tomorrow she will be 21, and I am humbled. This day was not promised, none of them are, and it certainly wasn’t expected.  But I believed; many of us did.  I know Liberty’s journey has had a purpose. Some reason.  Some thing.   


       We are celebrating by fulfilling one of her dreams and showing her art work in a real gallery in a real art exhibit.  I am excited and pray she will love her Art Show.    We will have some finger foods and play her favorite music.   Hoping that so many of our loved ones will be able to make it. I believe it will be magical.   

     Happy birthday, Liberty Alaine.  May you continue to be a spark for all of us.   

Monday, May 30, 2016

Fill the Bucket

https://www.facebook.com/jennings3/videos/10204690090199860/

*I hope the video link works. It is worth reliving.

For me, it's not about the bucket list, it's about filling the bucket. 

Just over a year ago Liberty walked across the stage and got her high school diploma.   For a child that started out healthy, outgoing, vivacious, unpredictable, smart, independent, stubborn, and loving, her graduation was a given.  For the child who lost full neurological function due to the Lyme disease that went undiagnosed, her graduation was a miracle.  

Chronic encephalitis, dystonia,  Parkinson's, spasticity, detrusor-external sphincter dysnergia and speech apraxia are her current diagnoses. She has rechargeable Deep Brain Stimulator's, meds on a five time a day schedule, braces, lots of equipment, and we are hoping to get a Baclofen pump by the end of the summer.  Since her diagnosis January, 2010, her body and prognosis has changed.  Her main doc, Dr. Hottie, doesn't discuss any prognosis as Liberty has been in uncharted waters for a long time, plus it's too hard to discuss.

 I have been afraid of anything happening that I could have stopped.  Afraid of Libby getting hurt.  Afraid of doing anything extra that could hurt my body and keep me from taking care of Libby.  I have been careful of our adventures. We've had lots of fun and lots of adventures, yet I've been beyond cautious.   

I've bought Libby lots of stuff that I thought would make her happy.   Buying stuff was not something I did  before she was struck with illness. Many beloved others have bought her stuff.   We've pushed to move towards experiences, but not full force. Something changed in me early this Spring. 

I'm done with stuff.   I want to go and do.   I want to fill Liberty's bucket with stuff we've done. Fill it with adventures that left our hearts racing and our tears flowing. I don't know what time we have left and what any tomorrow holds,  so I am going to push that we go and do. While we can, we will. 

 

While I can; I will.  While we can; we will. For the child who is smart, funny, flirty, adventurous, and has a list of medical issues, everyday is an empty bucket and I say lets go!  I have to continue to let go  and get going.   I have to trust and relish the adventure.  I have to- to remember her.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Planning ahead

Yesterday we took a huge step and met with an attorney.  Libby is 17 which means that she will become a legal adult in ten months.  Once a child becomes 18, the parent has no legal right to make medical decisions. Although, the parent is liable for medical costs. 

Complication #1- Libby's case is complicated, of course it is.   When she first became ill, we tried to find her sperm donor to help with medical information and genetic testing.  He has chosen to never see her. He knew of her and proceeded to run. He choose his addiction over a future life with us. At a meeting with Attorney General reps, he admitted she is his and stated that he wanted no part in her life.  Both he and his parents refused to see her when she was an infant.  The weight of shame I carry over this part of my life is immense.   I didn't choose well, but sure got a pretty  child out of it. 

Complication #2- Libby has different parents.  Only one is biological and in the state of Texas that's the part they're concerned with. The second non-bio parent could be a rocket scientist and they still consider the blood lines who have never seen her or this who are disabled more important.   Rachael and I have no paperwork between us.  No power of attorney, no will, and no shared assets.  We will be fixing this during the summer as it is costly and we have Libby's surgery to save for.   

Once she turns 18 doctors can refuse to treat her unless she asks for the treatment herself.  She has speech apraxia and cannot speak all the time.  Not to mention that if she she is stressed or afraid she may choose to not respond and will hum and ignore everyone around  her. 

If we chose to go Guardian route, we would have a long and arduous process ahead. Once the guardianship is granted, we have to go before the Judge every year to prove we are good parents. We have to bring in records of doctor appointments, treatments, medications, social worker testimony and possible info from schools and psychologists.   Yep, proving I am good enough to continue to parent.  As if I've ever been good enough.  

If we go the Power of Attorney route it can be easier. The issue here is that Libby has to be cognitively aware of what she is signing.  This is not always the case and it is more and more hit and miss. (She manifests more often like a Huntington's case, which she is negative for.)  In a day when Libby is in her own world, she may just name Sparkles, her beloved bear, or Bryce, her dog, as her power of attorney.   Scary.  

By beginning this process I have had to admit that she may not be magically okay tomorrow. That I'll wake up and this will all have been a really bad dream. I've had to begin planning based on the kid I have now. I have had to consider her life after today.  I focus everyday on keeping her healthy and happy. And nothing beyond. I haven't been able to even consider life for her after she graduates.   Yuck- my stomach just flopped.  I have to admit that I have to plan for a future which may be drastically limited and/or shortened. 

She had plans for her life and we rejoiced in her future as an archaeologist/veterinarian who is a rock star. Now, when she talks about wanting to be married and have babies, we just smile and love her. Now, when she talks of becoming a wolf rescuer, we just smile and love her. 

Libby, as always, is going to do her own thing and find her own way. My job is to let go of my hopes and allow her future to play out. My job is to keep her healthy, happy and do a little planning.  

I will continue to believe that there is still hope for her to be healthy and independent. And I'm also going to start putting together contingency plans. 

Off we go into new and uncharted waters!