Gatherings

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.  As a kid, this was when cousins, aunts, my brother and his wife, and more family would gather.  I would be surrounded by generations of determination, strength, laughter, and excellent food.  I was so happy when I was allowed to help in the kitchen with the grownups.  It was that communal time with all of those boisterous women that I embraced joy in feeding others as a way to show love. I can still smell Grandma’s homemade yeast roles and dressing every time I think about thanksgiving.

 Isn’t that we do this for?  To imbibe food and family with a sense of belonging. 

In recent years it has been a tumultuous time of year.   Invariably, Liberty would have an appointment for a procedure, pump refill or a check in and we would be driving back or forth to Ft. Worth.  We’d still try to keep up at least part of the traditions for the big turkey meal. The exact day we celebrate on isn’t as important as the ritual of the eating and coming back together.  

Isn’t that we do this for? To follow in the healthy traditions that feed our community.  

This year we are a small crew due to circumstances and COVID.  We are missing Rachael’s sister and family. They have suffered a big loss in the passing of her mother in law.  We shared their loss with them and pray for peace. 

Prayers and lifting each other up is so vital now.  As I ran my own Turkey Trot this morning, I reflected on my little town and all of my communities. Praying a mantra as I circled the town: with every step and every breath I ask for health and safety of these people.  With every step and every breath bless us with continuous kindness and love.  My circles may be small, but we are strong when we share in love and kindness. 

Isn’t that we do this for? To share in the communal meal which strengthens us spiritually, emotionally and physically.  

Pineapple upside down cake was my grandmother’s favorite.   She taught me when I was young and always requested me to make it for her. It’s a privilege to continue using recipes.  Helps to keep the traditions alive.  And the memories.   

Isn’t that what we do this for?  Gathering in memory or person. Celebrating our family in whatever form our family comes in. 

Part of our shared experience has to be the creating, telling and retelling of our stories.  It is within these magical moments of sharing and retelling stories that we are open to truly embracing one another.  The more we tell these stories the more we bond together.   We are all a story. 

I want to know all of your stories and share mine.  We have a need, whether we want to admit it or not,  to bond together through our uplifting memories and through the harder and more painful  memories. We have a need to share ourselves through the power of story.   Now we may be sharing through a computer screen, a phone call, or in person. 

Isn’t that what we do this for?  Inviting others in to share our love, pain, and laughter through our experiences. This is a chance to tell and hear our stories. The mode doesn’t matter as long as we keep sharing our stories and passing them down. 

All across our country smaller familial groups are gathering in gratitude. We have so much to be grateful for.  Gratitude is an action, not just a thought.   We can meet each other where we are and find ways to celebrate the gift of group acceptance.  

Isn’t that what we do this for?  Graciously inviting and accepting other beautiful people into our “family”.  We can do this kindly and safely, using whatever mode: online video charges, snail mail, email, and phone.  We will conintue to find ways to reach out give our thanks.   Thanksgiving isn’t cancelled; it’s just going to be different for all of our safety. 

More than ever I am missing my communities.  Missing being with people. Missing laughing and crying together. Miss sharing Libby with her extended community.  Miss singing together with friends.  Miss all things “community.”. 

Miss hugging.  I miss hugs, so very much. But I cannot risk the health of anyone because of what I miss.  So, we are trying to use the technology to help keep our communities together.   

Thank you for those who have talked with me over the phone and various messages.  Thank you for those who have had brilliant and poignant conversations in person and through emails.   Thank you for fostering our community through these kind acts. We can choose to gather in the safest ways possible.  We need that. 

Be blessed and known that I am grateful for each and every one of you.   

Grandma Linda, Mariah and Derrick 

Rachael healing even with my hair all over. 

My loves..... just missing the niece and nephew.  
Happy 1st anniversary to Derrick and Mariah!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unlocking-us-with-bren%C3%A9-brown/id1494350511?i=1000500182333

"I'm Okay" is NOT Okay

 

      Here is how many conversations go with my peers and students at school: 

"Hey, haven't seen you in awhile. How are you?"

"I was out for two weeks.  Two in my family had the virus. Everyone is better now, so I'm okay, how are you?"  Her eyes were surrounded with heavy bags and she seemed smaller.  Her answer of okay or fine brought a halt to any further exchange.

"Wow.  Glad they're getting better......" 

    It was on a Monday, when I am excited to see my peers and students, that a similar exchange happened.  I had this urge to follow this student and ask again how she is doing.  So, I did.   

    "Wait. I don't feel like you really told me how you are doing.   I ask because I care.  I know you've been in quarantine and I know that can't have been easy.  So, how are you doing now that you are back at school?" 

    We had a lovely conversation about what she had been through, quarantining in her home where she stayed in her room, trying to safely help with house work, and feeding her younger siblings.  Plus she had schoolwork of her own as well as the work her siblings needed to complete.  

    Missing this much time in our regular daily routine is not easy.  Even if you maybe don't enjoy all of you classes, or your peers, or your work in general, the disruption of repetition within your schedule negatively impacts our own social and emotional health.  

    I think many of us are carrying around a lot of stress, anxiety, loss, and fear.   There are so many unanswerable questions in our daily lives, that there is a pervasive feeling of  uncertainty.  Because of this, I believe we need to practice truly checking in with the beautiful people around us.  

    According to Anna Goldfarb, in her New York Times article, we need to be using more open ended questions, such as: "How are things?" or "Is anything on your mind?"  One of my current favorites, "what is making you smile today?"

    Not only do we need to ask open ended questions, we also need to know why we say we are okay or fine when we really aren't.  It's so easy to keep the veneer up and shine people on when we really aren't okay.  Really aren't fine.   We're sad, scared, anxious, or a myriad of other emotions that mean we are not okay.   But keeping that invisible mask on makes us feel safe somehow, or even protected.  For me, it is easier to dismiss what I am feeling or going through, if I don't talk about it.   Then I store it away.  That is a recipe for being even less okay.  

    It's okay to say I am not okay, but I am working on it. But I am learning to let myself cry. But I am trying.  But I see the beauty in everyday.  But I know that this storm will pass.  But.... It’s also okay to say, “thank you for  asking, but I can’t talk about it right now.  Check in on me later today.”  

    We already have so many things separating us; I believe it is time to open up and work through our struggles together.   We all have something we are dealing with and maybe we can share the load.   Every day the focus needs to be on how to lift and shore ourself and others up. 

    Rachael had her emergency diverticulitis surgery six months ago.  We have been holding our breath since her surgeon said that they may have to postpone her surgery until sometime in the spring.  The local hospitals are struggling to meet the needs of the COVID cases as well as the need for scheduled and elective surgeries.   As of today, 11/14, her surgery is still a GO for Wednesday, 11/18.  Praying and hoping that she can get the last of the infection removed and get everything in her belly safely connected once again. She will have to be alone while in surgery and afterward.  Please lift the doctors, nurses, and all of our wonderful hospital staff and Rachael up as this will be a tough week for her.  

    Praying that you can all see the beauty in sharing and lifting each other up.  Be kind and stay safe.  You are loved.  

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2020/07/why-we-say-im-fine-when-we-arent/

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/28/smarter-living/coronavirus-how-to-check-in-with-a-friend.html?auth=link-dismiss-google1tap