Here is how many conversations go with my peers and students at school:
"Hey, haven't seen you in awhile. How are you?"
"I was out for two weeks. Two in my family had the virus. Everyone is better now, so I'm okay, how are you?" Her eyes were surrounded with heavy bags and she seemed smaller. Her answer of okay or fine brought a halt to any further exchange.
"Wow. Glad they're getting better......"
It was on a Monday, when I am excited to see my peers and students, that a similar exchange happened. I had this urge to follow this student and ask again how she is doing. So, I did.
"Wait. I don't feel like you really told me how you are doing. I ask because I care. I know you've been in quarantine and I know that can't have been easy. So, how are you doing now that you are back at school?"
We had a lovely conversation about what she had been through, quarantining in her home where she stayed in her room, trying to safely help with house work, and feeding her younger siblings. Plus she had schoolwork of her own as well as the work her siblings needed to complete.
Missing this much time in our regular daily routine is not easy. Even if you maybe don't enjoy all of you classes, or your peers, or your work in general, the disruption of repetition within your schedule negatively impacts our own social and emotional health.
I think many of us are carrying around a lot of stress, anxiety, loss, and fear. There are so many unanswerable questions in our daily lives, that there is a pervasive feeling of uncertainty. Because of this, I believe we need to practice truly checking in with the beautiful people around us.
According to Anna Goldfarb, in her New York Times article, we need to be using more open ended questions, such as: "How are things?" or "Is anything on your mind?" One of my current favorites, "what is making you smile today?"
Not only do we need to ask open ended questions, we also need to know why we say we are okay or fine when we really aren't. It's so easy to keep the veneer up and shine people on when we really aren't okay. Really aren't fine. We're sad, scared, anxious, or a myriad of other emotions that mean we are not okay. But keeping that invisible mask on makes us feel safe somehow, or even protected. For me, it is easier to dismiss what I am feeling or going through, if I don't talk about it. Then I store it away. That is a recipe for being even less okay.
It's okay to say I am not okay, but I am working on it. But I am learning to let myself cry. But I am trying. But I see the beauty in everyday. But I know that this storm will pass. But.... It’s also okay to say, “thank you for asking, but I can’t talk about it right now. Check in on me later today.”
We already have so many things separating us; I believe it is time to open up and work through our struggles together. We all have something we are dealing with and maybe we can share the load. Every day the focus needs to be on how to lift and shore ourself and others up.
Rachael had her emergency diverticulitis surgery six months ago. We have been holding our breath since her surgeon said that they may have to postpone her surgery until sometime in the spring. The local hospitals are struggling to meet the needs of the COVID cases as well as the need for scheduled and elective surgeries. As of today, 11/14, her surgery is still a GO for Wednesday, 11/18. Praying and hoping that she can get the last of the infection removed and get everything in her belly safely connected once again. She will have to be alone while in surgery and afterward. Please lift the doctors, nurses, and all of our wonderful hospital staff and Rachael up as this will be a tough week for her.
Praying that you can all see the beauty in sharing and lifting each other up. Be kind and stay safe. You are loved.
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2020/07/why-we-say-im-fine-when-we-arent/
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