Gatherings

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.  As a kid, this was when cousins, aunts, my brother and his wife, and more family would gather.  I would be surrounded by generations of determination, strength, laughter, and excellent food.  I was so happy when I was allowed to help in the kitchen with the grownups.  It was that communal time with all of those boisterous women that I embraced joy in feeding others as a way to show love. I can still smell Grandma’s homemade yeast roles and dressing every time I think about thanksgiving.

 Isn’t that we do this for?  To imbibe food and family with a sense of belonging. 

In recent years it has been a tumultuous time of year.   Invariably, Liberty would have an appointment for a procedure, pump refill or a check in and we would be driving back or forth to Ft. Worth.  We’d still try to keep up at least part of the traditions for the big turkey meal. The exact day we celebrate on isn’t as important as the ritual of the eating and coming back together.  

Isn’t that we do this for? To follow in the healthy traditions that feed our community.  

This year we are a small crew due to circumstances and COVID.  We are missing Rachael’s sister and family. They have suffered a big loss in the passing of her mother in law.  We shared their loss with them and pray for peace. 

Prayers and lifting each other up is so vital now.  As I ran my own Turkey Trot this morning, I reflected on my little town and all of my communities. Praying a mantra as I circled the town: with every step and every breath I ask for health and safety of these people.  With every step and every breath bless us with continuous kindness and love.  My circles may be small, but we are strong when we share in love and kindness. 

Isn’t that we do this for? To share in the communal meal which strengthens us spiritually, emotionally and physically.  

Pineapple upside down cake was my grandmother’s favorite.   She taught me when I was young and always requested me to make it for her. It’s a privilege to continue using recipes.  Helps to keep the traditions alive.  And the memories.   

Isn’t that what we do this for?  Gathering in memory or person. Celebrating our family in whatever form our family comes in. 

Part of our shared experience has to be the creating, telling and retelling of our stories.  It is within these magical moments of sharing and retelling stories that we are open to truly embracing one another.  The more we tell these stories the more we bond together.   We are all a story. 

I want to know all of your stories and share mine.  We have a need, whether we want to admit it or not,  to bond together through our uplifting memories and through the harder and more painful  memories. We have a need to share ourselves through the power of story.   Now we may be sharing through a computer screen, a phone call, or in person. 

Isn’t that what we do this for?  Inviting others in to share our love, pain, and laughter through our experiences. This is a chance to tell and hear our stories. The mode doesn’t matter as long as we keep sharing our stories and passing them down. 

All across our country smaller familial groups are gathering in gratitude. We have so much to be grateful for.  Gratitude is an action, not just a thought.   We can meet each other where we are and find ways to celebrate the gift of group acceptance.  

Isn’t that what we do this for?  Graciously inviting and accepting other beautiful people into our “family”.  We can do this kindly and safely, using whatever mode: online video charges, snail mail, email, and phone.  We will conintue to find ways to reach out give our thanks.   Thanksgiving isn’t cancelled; it’s just going to be different for all of our safety. 

More than ever I am missing my communities.  Missing being with people. Missing laughing and crying together. Miss sharing Libby with her extended community.  Miss singing together with friends.  Miss all things “community.”. 

Miss hugging.  I miss hugs, so very much. But I cannot risk the health of anyone because of what I miss.  So, we are trying to use the technology to help keep our communities together.   

Thank you for those who have talked with me over the phone and various messages.  Thank you for those who have had brilliant and poignant conversations in person and through emails.   Thank you for fostering our community through these kind acts. We can choose to gather in the safest ways possible.  We need that. 

Be blessed and known that I am grateful for each and every one of you.   

Grandma Linda, Mariah and Derrick 

Rachael healing even with my hair all over. 

My loves..... just missing the niece and nephew.  
Happy 1st anniversary to Derrick and Mariah!

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unlocking-us-with-bren%C3%A9-brown/id1494350511?i=1000500182333

"I'm Okay" is NOT Okay

 

      Here is how many conversations go with my peers and students at school: 

"Hey, haven't seen you in awhile. How are you?"

"I was out for two weeks.  Two in my family had the virus. Everyone is better now, so I'm okay, how are you?"  Her eyes were surrounded with heavy bags and she seemed smaller.  Her answer of okay or fine brought a halt to any further exchange.

"Wow.  Glad they're getting better......" 

    It was on a Monday, when I am excited to see my peers and students, that a similar exchange happened.  I had this urge to follow this student and ask again how she is doing.  So, I did.   

    "Wait. I don't feel like you really told me how you are doing.   I ask because I care.  I know you've been in quarantine and I know that can't have been easy.  So, how are you doing now that you are back at school?" 

    We had a lovely conversation about what she had been through, quarantining in her home where she stayed in her room, trying to safely help with house work, and feeding her younger siblings.  Plus she had schoolwork of her own as well as the work her siblings needed to complete.  

    Missing this much time in our regular daily routine is not easy.  Even if you maybe don't enjoy all of you classes, or your peers, or your work in general, the disruption of repetition within your schedule negatively impacts our own social and emotional health.  

    I think many of us are carrying around a lot of stress, anxiety, loss, and fear.   There are so many unanswerable questions in our daily lives, that there is a pervasive feeling of  uncertainty.  Because of this, I believe we need to practice truly checking in with the beautiful people around us.  

    According to Anna Goldfarb, in her New York Times article, we need to be using more open ended questions, such as: "How are things?" or "Is anything on your mind?"  One of my current favorites, "what is making you smile today?"

    Not only do we need to ask open ended questions, we also need to know why we say we are okay or fine when we really aren't.  It's so easy to keep the veneer up and shine people on when we really aren't okay.  Really aren't fine.   We're sad, scared, anxious, or a myriad of other emotions that mean we are not okay.   But keeping that invisible mask on makes us feel safe somehow, or even protected.  For me, it is easier to dismiss what I am feeling or going through, if I don't talk about it.   Then I store it away.  That is a recipe for being even less okay.  

    It's okay to say I am not okay, but I am working on it. But I am learning to let myself cry. But I am trying.  But I see the beauty in everyday.  But I know that this storm will pass.  But.... It’s also okay to say, “thank you for  asking, but I can’t talk about it right now.  Check in on me later today.”  

    We already have so many things separating us; I believe it is time to open up and work through our struggles together.   We all have something we are dealing with and maybe we can share the load.   Every day the focus needs to be on how to lift and shore ourself and others up. 

    Rachael had her emergency diverticulitis surgery six months ago.  We have been holding our breath since her surgeon said that they may have to postpone her surgery until sometime in the spring.  The local hospitals are struggling to meet the needs of the COVID cases as well as the need for scheduled and elective surgeries.   As of today, 11/14, her surgery is still a GO for Wednesday, 11/18.  Praying and hoping that she can get the last of the infection removed and get everything in her belly safely connected once again. She will have to be alone while in surgery and afterward.  Please lift the doctors, nurses, and all of our wonderful hospital staff and Rachael up as this will be a tough week for her.  

    Praying that you can all see the beauty in sharing and lifting each other up.  Be kind and stay safe.  You are loved.  

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imperfect/2020/07/why-we-say-im-fine-when-we-arent/

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/28/smarter-living/coronavirus-how-to-check-in-with-a-friend.html?auth=link-dismiss-google1tap

Family

       When Libby’s body started quitting on us and her brain decided to show its damage in 2009, it was both a struggle and a gift to get to school everyday.  Between new physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges and the rough rodeo that is medical insurance I was a mess.  A lost mess.  

      My school family  were amazing.  They sent us to each new children’s doctor, new hospital with love, hope and extra money for food. I had to learn to lean on other people.        

       I’ve always relied on my God, my Grandma and myself.   Going through the devolving of Liberty’s health taught me that I would have to rely on others.  And I didn’t want to.  I didn’t have the heart space to be open to any new people.   Then the bubbly, curly headed, bossy little lady came into the teacher’s lounge: enter April Wolterstorff.  Now those who know me, know I’m not a fan of very loud and bossy women.  I like calm and this beautifully boisterous woman wrecked my quiet in many ways. Keep being your bold and fierce self! 

       She told me she was going to be my friend.   What did the little weirdo know about me and my life.  And friend me she did.  She told me about her son, Kyle and how she’s leaned to be his Momma.  

       April gave me lists of people to call and organizations to become a part of.  How to reach the Special Needs departments of health insurance. How to ask for the right person to get the right appointment in the confusing world of children’s medicine. 

        April also tried to help me voice my emotions.  I had become stoic as a shield.  Six months into Libby collapsing on the way home  from school and I had not cried.  Doctor had asked me if we wanted to focus on quantity or quality of life Libby, she was 12, and I hadn’t shed a tear.  Nine months in and I hadn’t been able to  release  the valve. April told me it was okay.  I could feel what was happening to Liberty  and my family and not fall completely apart. She taught me so much. 

         I ended up bringing Liberty to Caprock with me for her high school years.  April was in charge of the ACC department and she continued to amaze me with her knowledge and patience in training me. Libby started her freshman year walking the halls and finished in her wheel chair.  (She did kind of zombie walk at her graduation with immense help.) April adapted and adjusted with Liberty as her disease progressed taking more and more from her body. She allowed me to be the teacher and not be the broken momma.

         April also calls me on my shit. If I’m hiding my emotions she will often shoot down my shield until I tell her the truth.  Everyone needs a gentle truth detector in their life.  I’ve loved her healthy and as her body had rebelled against her.   When she had to leave teaching I was devastated, but I knew that her body needed what it needed.   And I love her still.  

         She has been my “go to” for all things since that day in the teacher’s lounge. Now she’s moving away to embrace wonderful opportunities for her family. 

 I don’t have a place to put these emotions.  

  I will forever be grateful for her love and support.  You keep on with your glittery self.   Shine on my beautiful friend.  My sister. My claimed family.  

 And thank you. Thank you.   Thank you my Texas unicorn.  

Mariah and I made the trek this week to Cook Children’s to get Liberty’s Baclofen pump refilled.   Because of the upcoming surgery Rachael will need, I jumped at the chance to spend some time with Mariah.  We have never had any mother and daughters trips, so off we went.  There and back again within 36 hours. Grateful for any time I get with Mariah. She has truly grown into the woman I dreamed she would be.  

Thank you Mariah for being my chaperone.    

Actually let Mariah drive and then I crashed.  

Mariah always be your fearless and bold self!    


Take the time you get with your loved ones and your chosen family and embrace them for the bodacious people they are.  

“Big Life” by hONEy hoUSe.  
https://share.icloud.com/photos/06zLBVFCtssUL9G8aWwA9EJQg

Today is November 7 and our nation is beginning a transition.  Please focus on the beauty in your life and do joy spew negativity on other people.  Be kind. Be uplifting.  Be the light we are CALLED to be. 

  

Yes there are places for anger, but spewing anger at others isn’t going to help us ALL heal and grow forward.    Both sides have fear and claim injustice.  Stop yelling and listen with an open heart.  Hear before hurting.   Be gentle with one another as we all learn to navigate this new era.