Wrapped up

We were finally able to celebrate Christmas with the family. Libby sent her letter to Santa letting him know that we were putting the big day off until Jasmin and Xavier were back with us.  So, December 29 was our Fake-mass. We kept the whole tradition alive, friends and family are invited to a huge food-filled feast.  Everyone is invited to stay the night and wake up as a whole family unit to open presents.  The rule is that Christmas morning, all gifts are passed out and then in our somewhat circle we wait as each person unwraps one gift at a time.   This way we all get to share in what the gift is and how excited the recipient is! 

Notice the stacks of gifts as each one waits to begin.  Liberty had already waited for several extra days and I was worried that we might have a princess style melt down if the waiting continued.  We were not able to buy very much and did many homemade gifts this year.  I was very impressed by my sweetheart.  She was excited for her little cousins and their gifts and was appreciative of her own.  This is huge for us as we have been battling with a spoiled attitude, which I will not tolerate.  I know she deserves the world and more, but she needs to be thankful for it!  Liberty made me very proud of her kindness and her easy acceptance of waiting for Christmas.  She told me she wouldn't want Christmas without her cousins and to me that was the sweetest thing ever. 

Kim and Jeff Davis were able to join us and it is always amazing to spend time with them. Being around Kim and Jeff is a treat and I wish that we were able to be with them more.  They have many amazing changes coming in their lives and it is a gift to have the chance to be a part of their lives.  Rev. Belle and Carol were also able to join us.  Rev. Belle remains my spiritual mentor and I find myself just needing to talk to her, to touch base.  I appreciate these people so much and am grateful to know them.  Jamie, Jennifer's best friend, also joined in the festivities.  She has become another important part of our lives. 

Mariah and Bobby, plus a couple of friends, were able to be with us.  My big kids are just nice people.  Bobby fits right in and we love him.  He and Mariah are great together.  I must say that at the rate in which our crew is growing we are going to have to add bunk beds, tents, or we'll have people sleeping in their cars!  I brought up the idea of taking over several rooms at  a hotel in Amarillo that has a restaurant attached to it to make life easier.  As we were will still straightening up at 2:00 pm, it seems that a really good idea.  

 

I was filled with joy throughout the afternoon as I reflected on the heart felt gifs that were shared. The kind and thought-filled ways in which our family and friends were able to share their love is inspiring.  I am not a fan of lots of material things and this was all too perfect for me.  Life is not about more things, but about more love.

 

Libby waiting to head home on Fake-mass day.  She was locked up and super tired.  Major changes in her schedule make life so much fun.  When we know there is going to be a change, we start days ahead telling her of the upcoming change. The changes in weather cause her body to react in that sometimes she can't even move.  More and more she is getting what I call "T=Rex" hand where her right hand isn't working.  Not fun.  This kid should have at least one hand that works.  Here's a scary progression, her chewing and swallowing ability are also becoming more challenged.  Looking into different ways to feed her that are within her dietary guidelines. 

 

Liberty had asked for a baby doll and coloring books for Christmas.   We have been encouraging her coloring as it helps with her motor skills.  This princess/baby doll stuff is out of my league.  She has never really been interested in baby dolls before as she has always been into her stuffed animals and Lego's.  Now, she wants more of the typical little girl stuff.  For her sweet 16 birthday party this next month she wants a princess party.  I have taken flack for allowing her to have these somewhat little girl things, but when possible she can have what she wants.   My child has been regressing for several years now.  Part of my child's brain is not working any longer, she lost these parts before the age of 12.  If she wants little girl stuff for her Sweet 16, then so be it.  Unless someone can find a way to grant my wish and bring the parts she lost back, then a baby doll and princess stuff she will have.  Please know I am not enabling her decline but her happiness where she is and trying to slow the regression.  (Yuck, really don't like the whole princessy stuff...).  And I am not fussing, just addressing publicly what has been said to me. 

 

Tomorrow begins the new year.  I didn't have any goals for this year other than finish the Master's program and survive.  This year, I have a list, and much of it is centered around self preservation.  I have been on fight or flight response for too long.  I have been racing from one person's need to another without thinking.  The complete exhaustion I have been experiencing is not okay.  I am going to have to prioritize to keep myself sane.  Other people will have to step up to help with some of the responsibilities I have willingly and lovingly been taking care of.  Promises that have been made to us are forgotten. My life will become more focused on taking care of us and both of my children.  I keep giving myself away and have not saved anything.  

 

Life with Liberty is a marathon and I have been running it as a race.  I have to learn to pace myself and to stop waiting for joy.  I found this quote several weeks ago and it has struck a chord with me-"It could be senseless to go on waiting for a joy, when joy was on the doorstep, as time hurried by"  T.H.White, The Once and Future King.

 

I will be better at enjoying more and planning/cartaking/ stressing/ schedule squeezing/ guilt carrying LESS.  I will try not to be as wrapped up in so many things that other people could take care of and focus on what is most important.  I will stop waiting for joy and simply open the door to the joy that is waiting for me. 

 

Love and hope for 2013, the year I am calling the "Year of Yes".