"Breaking"

Yesterday began our Holiday break.  Two weeks of blissful napping and eating and napping and eating.  My goal is simple, to try to get enough rest so that the bags under my eyes go from being bags that I would have to check- to carry on bags!

This last month we have attended Jasmin's Holiday show.  I was super proud to see our little doctor doing shining and getting past her shyness!  She is a natural beauty that has a light in her that cannot be denied. 

We also made it to Liberty's concert which is a feat in itself.  On nights when we have something going on in Amarillo, that means a race home, usually to eat and change, and then a race 38 miles back.  Even if the event ends by 8:00 that means that we are off of our night time schedule.  I have been knowing to give Libby meds as we are getting her into the car to head home.  It is always an adventure, but doing it all in a loaner car that is not exactly Liberty proof makes life even more interesting.

Update on my lack of vehicle- I don't own one.  My car has been declared totaled by my insurance company and the gentleman's insurance is making an appointment this week to make their determination concerning damage and repair-ability.  I am now at a standstill waiting and no car of my own.  I finally consented last Friday to get a rental, only because the other insurance was paying for it.  I just could not justify paying $20.00 a day when I had a loaner which was working just fine.  

We have spent a little bit of time looking around at cars and I know that  I need something slightly lower than what we had.  Getting Libby in and out of the car can be a nightmare, an absolute nightmare.  Some mornings it is all I can do to not completely break down with Libby as she is stiff and not moving well and I am not fairing much better!  So smaller it is, but not too small.  Because of the distance and the weather that we are capable of having in the High Plains, a vehicle that is able to handle adverse weather conditions is needed. Really ready to have this whole thing over!  Without the guidance of Bernard's Advanced Auto Collision, I would have signed over my rights within the first week and been out many, many thousands of dollars. 

We have to have a car that has a wide opening in the back seat to get Libby in and out.  The rear seats have to be adjustable and have the ability to lay partially flat to carry massive loads.  Have to have a middle console so that I can prop Libby up when her left side gives up.  Hoping credit will hold through the coming process.......

Medically, we have attended two appointments with Dr. H.  Libby had complete blood work done and received her scripts for new leg and hand braces.  All her blood work is good, very good.  Liver and thyroid are great.  Her vitamin levels are finally within normal.  Her blood sugar levels are down to within normal and she is no longer showing the progression towards diabetes- THANK GOD!!  The only issue was that her milk protein levels, casein, are still very high. This is not okay, especially since we have been rigidly dairy free for several years.  I am now reading labels and checking for the hidden dairy in everything. 

Dr. H. agrees that it is a good thing that Libby is has more sensation all over her body, since for so long she didn't feel much of anything.  Now, she hurts.  Her legs, her knees, ankles, hips, arm, wrist, head, ... hurt daily.  He is setting up a referral as soon as he finds a neurologist who knows about pain management.  We know, assume, that the pain is from her brain damage.  I need to know where it is coming from and how to control it without further clouding up her thinking.  It is a good thing that she can now feel more, but this child should not hurt.  No child should hurt.

Our Christmas celebration has been postponed because Jasmin and Xavier will be in Tulia with Kent.  We are actually celebrating on the 29th.  This means that we get a full week to sleep and eat. Then, I'll try eating and sleeping.  Here is the reality of my napping, which is much less dignified.

There are always moments during a semester when I have a few doubts as to whether or not all the work is paying off, but this semester I had thoughts as to whether or not I could take another step.  I made it through several days of focusing on each minute, each student, each class, and taking one step at a time.  The added stress and requirements of this year are taking their toll and I know that all teachers will come out stronger because of it, but the toll is hard to pay for me.  Some days, I felt as if I were breaking from the outside in.  But, you get up, go, do your best, plan, plan some more, fail sometimes, plan again, and try again the next day.  Libby and all my kids don't need me to be anything other than willing to try again.  It's okay to break, as long as I can pull it back together. 

Uh, so now I need a nap.  I will update as we get further into the resting time.  Now, to work on my goals of eating and sleeping.  Blessings and hope....ileana