Kaizen

       Life with a loved one with medical, emotional and cognitive needs is often challenging.  Often rough. There are so many little things I find myself explaining that are sad, and overwhelming and well, too much to think about for so many people.  For many others and my friends, it is too much, but it’s also so much of my life.  I know it’s hard on some of your hearts to continue to be my friend.

     

      I’ve used the allegory of the boiled frogs before, yet it still works today. We’re so busy doing what we need to do, that rarely do I realize how hard, inconvenient, and well, kind of sad the mechanics of life with Libby can be. We don’t realize because we’re insulated in the pan. 

      We know, based on the neurologists, that Libby’s neurological and physical effects are progressive degenerative.  That water will only keep getting hotter.  

       In my mind, there are two choices to living as a boiled frog: give up and let the water take me or  swim against current.   I choose to swim against.  I choose to try to be a better person every day, and I fail all the time. But I try. I keep trying to be the mom and teacher and friend I need to be.  

      This is partially why I have delighted in learning of the Japanese concept of continuously improving.   (Generally, this idea is used for the push to always work to make your business better.)  To me, it is a new mantra to simply move forward and find ways to be better.  

Better mom. 

Better teacher. 

Better friend. 

Better wife. 

Just better.  I know there are so many reasons to quit.  To ignore the medical possibilities.  To possibly wallow in the “give up already and just accept everything the way it is” type thinking, but I can’t.  I can’t.  It’s not comfortable. Complacency hurts.  

      

       Every time I allow that negativity in, I can feel my already anxiety and depressive brain pulling me down.  One way to keep myself from being pulled down it to think about my beliefs. 

Here’s a partial list of core beliefs that guide me: 

I believe we are called to love and love and love.  

I believe there is always a way to be better or something else to try. 

I believe my God wouldn’t put all of this on my “plate” if I couldn’t handle it.  

I believe that whatever the new challenge is coming at us will be a chance for me to choose growth and hope. 

I believe we have many opportunities to share our Joy and through that help others carry their Sad. 

I believe that life is hard and yet, still beautiful.  We are not called to give up.  

I believe to love and accept completely and openly with no hope for reciprocity. 

I believe I can do better with my God with me. 

For these and many more reasons I believe in Kaizen. A need to keep trying to be better.  And grow.  And learn. And fail and try and fail and believe. And get up again.  Laugh at failing, sleep, learn and try again. 

     We’re all on our path and possibly in our own boiling pot.  We weren’t put here to be mediocre or complacent, but to be a help to those around us and to ourself.  I am very grateful for the friends and family who can handle discussing the challenges that come with Liberty.   That is a gift. 

      So I’ll make a list of what I can improve on and what needs doing; then I’ll try again.  And work to be a little better everyday, pray and do the work needed. 

https://music.apple.com/us/album/better-days/1541590129?i=1541590131

    Just a little better.  A little stronger. Everyday.  Kaizen.

  

End of the Semester Slump

    (My thoughts in regards to parents who have children in school/college/training and those who work in the school system.  I’m certain that other professions have their own timelines when the stress can overtake us. My disclaimer is that I am continually trying to find the light.)

    This is the time in everyone’s year where we need to regroup, recoup and power through to the end of the semester.  My world has revolved around the semester based school schedule which has translated to my emotions following the biannual cycle of trying to “keep things together” through the end of every semester.  There are the stressors of studying, planning, tests, grading and maybe have a life. In the fall it has always seemed worse for me. I live for the sun. The darkness that comes with the end of fall isn’t good to me.  Whether it is a case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, stress, depression, or a combination of all, or others, these darker months make it harder for me to handle my daily stress.   

      I don’t think I’m alone.  It’s so easy to be low when you have a constant gauge of your successes and failures based on school systems.  Some students follow the same yearly patterns and may struggle emotionally at the end of semesters. Sometimes it could be a normal response to the stress involved in every semester. Sometimes it’s beyond normalcy.  

       There has been a lot of press and research coming out about the suicide ideation in students in their late teens through early twenties.  I know from my little corner of the universe that this is true. All too often former students reach our for reassurance and a reality check.   Yes, you should be tired. Yes, being overwhelmed is okay sometimes. But not to the point of not being able to function or not seeing the value of the work you’re doing.   And especially not okay to believe you cannot continue on a daily basis. These are the students and teacher peers that reach out. 

       I fear that many others don’t.  I never did until I could feel myself getting lower and lower several years ago.  My view of the daily repetition and perceived sadness of life could have completely taken me over.    I’m blessed that between Rachael and several coworkers I climbed to a better place mentally.  

      All of this is above my pay grade.   I’m just a teacher and mom doing the best I can everyday, but I read so many articles about the number of suicide attempts and admired suicide ideation haunts me.   

      What if we started marking ourselves safe from the ugliness that comes along with the end of semesters?  Like people do during natural disasters, since depression is a national natural disaster. Not that I am making light of any of this, but we need to be checking on each other.  Are you eating right? Working out? Sleeping? Laughing? Allowing yourself to cry? Are you making your lists and marking things off? Singing out loud? (These are things that help me.). 

Talk to each other and check in.  We can all use a lot more light as we head into the holidays.  Oy! The holidays are coming. Save some of YOUR light for yourself.  I will try to do the same.  

Much love,

Ileana 

Links to places with professional assistance:

https://www.facebook.com/TexasPanhandleSuicidePreventionCoalition/

https://www.facebook.com/800273talk/

Interesting articles and research: 

https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Holly_Wilcox/publication/26659984_Suicide_Ideation_Among_College_Students_A_Multivariate_Analysis/links/0deec524c5d19a093e000000/Suicide-Ideation-Among-College-Students-A-Multivariate-Analysis.pdf?origin=publication_detail

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/January-2019/8-Ways-to-Deal-with-Depression-During-the-Gloomy-D

https://www.mhanational.org/tips-teachers-ways-help-students-who-struggle-emotions-or-behavior

And a chocolate covered face full of joy for us all-