Challenging you all to B.A.I.T.

In honor of mental health awareness I am putting myself further out there.

I made a promise at the end of school last year that if Liberty's surgery went well I would go to doctor myself and focus some on my health.  I have been through many, many tests in the past 8 weeks and what I've learned is that stress has seriously affected my health. I've also learned that my gall bladder is kind of working and that my digestive system responds loudly to stress.   The things that stress me aren't going away. I have to simply learn to deal with them.  Simply deal.

In the past seven weeks I have had more amazing teaching moments than I could have hoped for. This new position has placed me on an extreme learning  curve.    I have no doubt that I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing with my life when I am teaching anything.  I just want to teach.   I am teaching my favorite authors everyday. The multitude of challenges, successes, and failures  means that I am continually able to learn. At the same time I know that any ego I have, which is virtually non existent, stays safely in my car and cannot enter the classroom.  Teaching is not about me, it has to be about the kids and supporting other teachers in their learning journey. My constant mantra is always "teach through me and guide me".

I have never wanted to give up and recently I have had several moments where I just wanted to go home.  Where I felt like I wasn't good enough.  Where I felt like I would never be enough as a teacher.  Where I felt stupid.  Stupid.  Inept.  Not respected or respectable. I allowed myself to feel inferior.   

My beloved grandmother remains in a rehab facility following a terrible fall a month ago.  She turns 98 next month. She will continue to need full time care and she is getting amazing care where she is and by my saint of an aunt. 

My mother's physical and mental health is deteriorating exponentially.  Leaving the past out of it, my mother is much more ill than she realizes and has little control over her mind. She will continue to need full time care, if she would allow anyone to take her to a doctor. 

Mariah is making huge decisions about her future and all I can do is support and pray that she finds her path. 

And Libby.

There are too many crazy monkeys right now saying awful things in my head. 

Stress is something that cannot be underestimated and overlooked.  Notice that none of the things listed are truly about me.  They are about people and things I care about.  I cannot let these stressors overtake me.  At some point I have to admit that I can't fix everything and that not everything is my fault or within my control.  And I don't have the time or energy to be negative.  I assume the best of everyone. 

 

If I continue to begin every action with a pure intent with the hope that no one will be negatively affected and remain humble  then all I can do is grow.  I will promise, here, publicly, to speak up when my plate is truly full.  When I have reached a point where I cannot handle what I've been given to handle, I will let you know.  Until then I'm going to be listening only the "Voice of Grace" as Elizabeth Gilbert says.  

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None knows what you are carrying around and what negativity is in your head and heart.  

In honor of mental health awareness please-

Be kinder than necessary. 

Assume the best of everyone.

In all instances try to positively support others. 

Truly be humble. 

I urge anyone who is feeling stressed and overwhelmed, map your stressors.  Journal.  Reflect.  Create a plan. 

**Please know that you are loved.  When you, yes you, all of you, feel inept, unable, less than, unloved, know that I love you.  Know that there is nothing as important as how we handle right now and how kindly we treat others (and ourselves).   Be blessed.   

"Big Bang Theory" is on and Sheldon is calling...