Ego and pet peeves

   When Libby first became ill, I became even more obsessed/focused on teaching.  I have used teaching as a shelter from the ugly reality I've learned to face since our world changed forever.  I knew that there was so little with her health that I could fix or control, but researching, planning, executing and reflecting on a lesson  I can do.  I have come to terms with the fact that I will have to leave the beloved classroom sooner than I want.  I even have tried to control this fact, by applying for leadership jobs. I do not know when my career will have to end or what part of the education field I will be in when it happens and that is okay.  I have been working on letting my ego go.  There is no room in the classroom for the teacher's ego.  None.  It is not about me, but it is in one way.

    One of my biggest and most hurtful pet peeves is to be underestimated or discriminated against because of who my child is.  When co-workers and administrators have said, 'I just thought you had enough on your plate" as I am overlooked for something, it is hurtful.  If the person does not know about Libby, this statement means that I am not capable of fulfilling the task.  If the person does know about Libby, then this statement means that I can't handle her so why would I be entrusted with anything more. 

     As a fearless friend told me, "I am carrying the plate, I'll let you know when it is too heavy."  Having a child who has many special needs means that I am more vigilant and less careless about my calling as a teacher.  I plan for much longer stretches into the future, because I am not sure what could be coming down the road.  The plate is mine to carry and I am doing much more than I ever knew I could. 

      Please don't ever assume that a parent of a special needs child cannot do something, this feels like discrimination and is judgmental.   If you need me at any extra meeting, let me know and I'll make arrangements, just like every other parent.  If you don't want Libby or both of us there for an impromptu meeting, then let us know in advance. (I carry ear buds and accessories for anytime she has to be in a meeting where confidential information is discussed.)  Do not turn us away at the door.  No one needs to experience this feeling.  Try explaining to Libby why she wasn't allowed in.

    I know that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing by teaching and am learning everyday how to do this well. 
   
     I know that I am supposed to be Libby's mom and am learning everyday how to do this well.   Please do not take opportunities away from me because you are feeling so much pity and sadness for me and my beautiful child. 

    When the plate is too heavy, I will let you know.  I would never begin to say what I think is best for you and ask only that you give me the equal opportunities everyone deserves. 

    I have stewed over this for quite awhile and fought with my type-a attributes to really ramp up my already obsessive tendencies towards my teaching practices.   I have not gone into the battle ready thinking of "well, I'll show you!" or the depressive thinking of "if they don't think I can, then I certainly can't".   I am focusing on the lessons that every person I meet is learning.  I know that we are all on a journey that we have not necessarily chosen.  Some of their journeys are harder than mine.  We will continue to be a blessing, whether our plate is too heavy or not.   

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."  Philo