Ego and pet peeves

   When Libby first became ill, I became even more obsessed/focused on teaching.  I have used teaching as a shelter from the ugly reality I've learned to face since our world changed forever.  I knew that there was so little with her health that I could fix or control, but researching, planning, executing and reflecting on a lesson  I can do.  I have come to terms with the fact that I will have to leave the beloved classroom sooner than I want.  I even have tried to control this fact, by applying for leadership jobs. I do not know when my career will have to end or what part of the education field I will be in when it happens and that is okay.  I have been working on letting my ego go.  There is no room in the classroom for the teacher's ego.  None.  It is not about me, but it is in one way.

    One of my biggest and most hurtful pet peeves is to be underestimated or discriminated against because of who my child is.  When co-workers and administrators have said, 'I just thought you had enough on your plate" as I am overlooked for something, it is hurtful.  If the person does not know about Libby, this statement means that I am not capable of fulfilling the task.  If the person does know about Libby, then this statement means that I can't handle her so why would I be entrusted with anything more. 

     As a fearless friend told me, "I am carrying the plate, I'll let you know when it is too heavy."  Having a child who has many special needs means that I am more vigilant and less careless about my calling as a teacher.  I plan for much longer stretches into the future, because I am not sure what could be coming down the road.  The plate is mine to carry and I am doing much more than I ever knew I could. 

      Please don't ever assume that a parent of a special needs child cannot do something, this feels like discrimination and is judgmental.   If you need me at any extra meeting, let me know and I'll make arrangements, just like every other parent.  If you don't want Libby or both of us there for an impromptu meeting, then let us know in advance. (I carry ear buds and accessories for anytime she has to be in a meeting where confidential information is discussed.)  Do not turn us away at the door.  No one needs to experience this feeling.  Try explaining to Libby why she wasn't allowed in.

    I know that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing by teaching and am learning everyday how to do this well. 
   
     I know that I am supposed to be Libby's mom and am learning everyday how to do this well.   Please do not take opportunities away from me because you are feeling so much pity and sadness for me and my beautiful child. 

    When the plate is too heavy, I will let you know.  I would never begin to say what I think is best for you and ask only that you give me the equal opportunities everyone deserves. 

    I have stewed over this for quite awhile and fought with my type-a attributes to really ramp up my already obsessive tendencies towards my teaching practices.   I have not gone into the battle ready thinking of "well, I'll show you!" or the depressive thinking of "if they don't think I can, then I certainly can't".   I am focusing on the lessons that every person I meet is learning.  I know that we are all on a journey that we have not necessarily chosen.  Some of their journeys are harder than mine.  We will continue to be a blessing, whether our plate is too heavy or not.   

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."  Philo

Homecoming fun

Last week was homecoming for Caprock and we had a great time dressing up and sporting the awesome mum that Libby was given.

On superhero day, Libby and one of my students were Bat Girl.  For us, it's the dressing up and enjoying the themed days that transitions us into fall. We went to Happy's football game on Friday night, instead of the homecoming game for Caprock.  (We had already commited  to help out at the front gate with the Happy boosters.). 

Tonight, 9/28 is Rachael's 20th high school reunion.  It's amazing how time goes by, we were in this same hall for her 10 year reunion.  After what were some pseudo shocked introductions so many years ago, now I feel much more at home.  

Here are most of the Graduates of Happy high school, class of 1993. It is just an amazing gift to be able to appreciate where you have come from and recognize the great people your classmates have become.  

I know the sweet spot I have in my heart for all of my classmates. When I am in my classroom and I witness how the students are with the kids who they've been in class with since "way back" it always makes me smile. Once you know each other for so long, even if you're not close, there is a since of belonging or even ownership.  No one else can talk smack about your classmates- but you.  It's just a neat experience to be the outsider and watch the dynamics and camaraderie  unfold.  

The decorations with beautiful mums we found at Lowe's.

Some of the kids that were hanging  out with us making some cutesy crafts. 

Three hours in and going strong!   Many thanks to Lynn and Jimmy  Stockett who did so much to make this reunion a possibility.

Little decoration becomes a stole for the princess.

School is going amazingly.  I just can't explain what it is like to know you are doing what you're supposed to do. When I am teaching all is right in the universe.  I made up mind to drive myself to be all in- both feet or bust.  Just in case I end up out of the classroom in the next year, this one will be the best yet!    

Twist a Wish

Sparkles Ready to rodeo!

Rachael handling the transport of the rodeo girl!

Libby had to have a special dress to match her boots! 

Lots of cowboy butts for Libby to giggle at and then get really embarrassed. She used her sign to hide her face. 

Watching them boys get their numbers pined on them.

That sly smile that says that she knows how cute their butts are!

Petting a pony.

Holding our seats.

There's miss Libby waiting very patiently!
Libby at Twist a Wish Part 1

Libby at Twist a Wish Part 2

Final flings

Having the chance to get away with our little family is a true gift.  These pics are from our last hoorah  of the summer.  We went to Santa Rosa, New Mexico and then to Los Vegas, New Mexico. Beautiful.  It rained a great deal and that made the time even better. Thank you for our time.  We are grateful. 

Enjoying our last little but if time before returning to school. Mariah and Rachael at Storrie lake. 

Possible new apparatus for Libby.

It will also help her walk.

Taking pictures at the railroad tracks in Las Vegas, New Mexico.   Great fun!

Playing in the pool at the hotel.

Libby and Sparkles posing during our meeting with Lynn, one of our many supporters. 

Way too soon Jasmin will be taller than Libby! 

The aunts with Jasmin and Xavier.

Beautiful little area to boat, canoe and for us to sit.

Jasmin helping me get us loaded up to head home. 

Rachael and Xavier hanging out.

Me and THE niece, Jasmin. 

The princess chilling.