The month of love

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity and getting stuff done.  The good news is that so many of the things that we have been able to do were a much needed necessity and some others were simply fun. 

One of the things we took care of was a round of haircuts.  Libby and Rachael got theirs trimmed.  I had mine cut for my 40th birthday and not done anything since then.  Also added a color to both Libby and myself.  For me, anything besides grey... 

My loves at the joint birthday party.  Amazed at how beautiful they both are!  We were  celebrating Mariah's 22 and Jennifer and Caebhin's  birthdays.   We are so blessed to have our own little cohesive family unit.

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil....  goofy kids!

We went to our dearest friends Gender Revealing party and it was so sweet.  We have waited for what seems like forever for Kim and Jeff Davis to have a baby and they finally let us know over Thanksgiving.  They had the sonogram on Wednesday and then took the sealed envelope to the cake place.  They had enough self control to actually have that info in their home and didn't cheat!  We had to wait until they cut the cake open to see what color the inside was- pink or blue.  And it was BLUE!  So very excited either way, I just want these two  amazing people to have a child that we can love!  (And a baby to add to our eclectic family!)

For the first time in my children's lives, I bought new furniture.  I mean, not little storage units, actual furniture.  Libby hasn't slept through the night twice in a row for months.  We have even started given her doses of meds at 12:00 am to get through the rest of the night.  She wakes up hurting and with her legs off her bed due to her being so spastic.  We decided that we would go and get her a larger bed and new mattresses. It was delivered on Saturday and  she slept ten hours that night. 

I'm ashamed that I was never able to buy Mariah a nice bed and dresser, we just always had enough.  Not new, but enough. 

We finally got a new dryer.  A dryer that works.  A dryer that doesn't scream the whole time.  The last month it was taking 12 hours to dry a load, so I was planning accordingly...  This was my yoga/fix the hook up work out. 

 

We have applied for our Visa's and are anxiously waiting to hear back.  Our trip is tentatively scheduled for May, which means we will have to miss school.  We will have to let those worries go for this trip of a lifetime...

Today, we had a family meal and then went to fly kites.  Sad that Mariah and Bobby weren't here, but understand and they were missed. It's crazy that today it got up to 61 degrees and we are under blizzard warning and watch.  Jasmin and Xavier had never flown kites, so we rocked it out at the football field.  It was a beautiful day and a beautiful experience. 

We did get a blizzard and I must say that being snowed in makes me very happy.  We were home warm and safe.  As soon as the wind stopped howling, Libby loosened up some.  Beautiful 3-4 ft. drifts around our house.  Simply beautiful.  Very worried about those who were out and about in it and those who were stranded.  Our amazing little community opened up two churches to provide warmth to those who were stranded on the highway.  Our small town is one that is full of very giving people.  We are blessed. 

 

Libby has a rough winter and I am ready for roller coaster of temperatures to settle down.  Every time the pressure changes, she reacts.  With each cold front and warm front, she reacts.  She has become so Spastic and our ugly friend Dystonia takes her quite a bit.  We have an appointment on March 6 to get some botox for her left side, I am hopeful that will help some.  I have also been weaning her off of the Artane, which is a Dystonia drug.   Not a fan of this drug at all.  This has been a rough winter.  Her body and her symptoms are changing and we can't get in to see our doc in Ft. Worth until June.  Just hoping that we can get her some relief. 

 

The changes we have began are a big deal for me.  I know that I have been wearing my bedraggled look as a kind of armour.  As a way of showing the pain I feel to the world.  How can I look good and confident when so much has happened and is happening?  There are so major things coming down the line in our future and I have made the decision to let it go and begin trying to care about these little things.  I went to the doctor for an actual visit for the first time in over five years.  I was told that I was very near total exhaustion and left with lots of blood work and hope.  I got my eyes checked and learned just how blind I am.  I am trying to work out for the thrill of it, not just because I have to stay strong for Liberty. Guilt and grief are ugly to wear and I think it is time I began laying them aside. 

During this month of love, I am trying to learn to love myself. 

I have given so much away that there was little left.  Now, I am realizing that although so much is required everyday, I HAVE to save a little for me. 

Not sure exactly how this works, but I am trying. 

You see, there may be hope for us all.