When I knew that Liberty’s time was bgetting shorter, I tried to make a list of what would help everyone (me) deal with letting her go. These little gifts are what I cling to. Here is part of what I came up with:
Sing her favorite songs with abandon
Love on one of her favorite “babies”
Wear outfits that she liked
Notice butterflies
Find birds (hawks and others)
Watch a show or a movie she enjoyed
Hike for her
Play in water
Howl at the moon
10.Dance ridiculously
Whatever it is, I NEED to feel her presence. This part is important as the ache I have with her not being physically here is overwhelming.
The missing of Liberty is an expected guest at this point. Never know when it will arrive. I miss her. I miss taking care of her. I miss carrying her. I miss feeding her. I miss bathing her. I miss her smile. I miss her eyes shining at me. The only time I’ve felt really pretty is when Libby told me I was pretty. I miss sleeping next to her and counting her breaths over and over again. It is in the missing of her that I can be lost. I held grief and fear at bay while taking care of her and loving on her. Now, I have so much less to do. Sometimes it is like a tidal wave of missing rolls through me. My throat constricts and my heart races. My eyes leak.
These Liberty attacks are still there, but now I try to breathe through them. I acknowledge the missing has come for a visit. I have to let this guest in, so that I can continue. And I’m trying.
What's Your Grief? has some great articles especially the information about secondary losses.
Scars In Heaven - Casting Crowns (Lyrics)
You are loved.
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