“I know how this story ends”

Happy Fall!

If possible, start with this song: https://music.apple.com/us/album/his-eye-is-on-the-sparrow/545769471?i=545769542

It has now been a month for our mighty little one to be on Palliative Care, and what a month it’s been. It is also the first of a new school year.  Our new caretaker is doing a great job taking care of of Libby in our home. (It’s been a transition for me being that far away from Libby, but she has been comfortable in her own space.

We have had the chance for many of our loved ones to come and spend some time with Liberty.  It makes my heart smile. Forever grateful for all the people who share their love with her.

At Happy Days

And two of our bonus daughters...

Libby had just been smiling.  

And she made it about 15:00 at the Blank Spaces Art Exhibit  at our Snack Shak warehouse before she started crying and whimpering.  

Her face says it. She was done so soon.  

I have been sleeping with Libby for quite awhile.  Sometimes it’s like dozing on a very stiff and fidgety roller coaster. 

Kittie has been her baby of choice for the last few months. 

About a month ago and after a day where my heart was weighed down, I was given the most beautiful dream.  The kind of dream that you try so hard to get back to when you are pulled away to consciousness.  

It was just as my alarm was going off that I saw Terry, Rachael’s father, walking with my Grandmother. Now, you have to know that Terry is Rachael’s father, but to me he was my Dad as well.  He taught me that I could safely love and trust a man. He was and is one of the very best men I have ever known.  

And, of course, my Grandmother Geneva, is the greatest influence in my life.   I am here because she told me I was worthy. I am here because she pushed and supported me, then  taught me how to weather the storms. I am here today because she loved me so fiercely that I stand tall when I really want to curl into the tiniest ball.  

They have both left this world years ago creating huge holes in our lives. 

Wearing our color, Tudor green, she was holding onto his arm and he was patting her hand. There is water present, but I am not sure how.  It should have been cold, but it wasn’t. I could see tiny birds and little sounds and see very little; there was also music in the background. I wish I could have been clearer or stayed longer in that dream.  

They are walking towards me with smooth, smiling faces and straight backs.  Terry is leaning down to listen to my gentle spoken 4’9” Grandma.  He says, “Now Geva, she is coming, but it’s not quite time yet.” 

My Grandma smiles up to him and responds, “We’ve waited a long while, her body is tired, and we are ready.” And at that they glance behind them and that is when I see the multitude of people walking behind them: smiling.They are there: the loved ones and unknown people who have already left us.  They are there, preparing a place for our girl.  

 I know, more than I have ever known, that there is a homecoming being prepared.  Though we may not be ready, never will be ready, but there is an abundance of love awaiting. They are preparing a place where she will no longer have pain and will be enveloped by love. 

It will break my heart, but it is an immense comfort to know who will be welcoming her home.

Now, we are not going to move in to SAD. I’m not sharing this because I believe the time is very short. I can’t know anything if the sort. This dream eased my tired heart and gave me a better perspective.

I know I will have days, hours, minutes of anger and sadness, but still I know. I will say all the angry words And still, I know. 

Meanwhile I will keep making plans because “I know the plans” that are in place for her and the “Victory” that awaits her and all who live with progressive degenerative diseases.

You are loved.

https://music.apple.com/us/album/see-a-victory/1490613106?i=1490613249