The long of it is much more tangled. After my grandmother Geneva passed away, we moved my mom to Happy and set her up in a little house of her own. We sure tried to keep her safe and happy. She would fall and forget. Or mess up her meds-a make herself sick kind of mess them up and I couldn’t help her get and keep them organized. Organization and plan following has never been her thing. We knew then she needed more care. Then, she fell and broke her shoulder. That’s when my brother stepped in.
We took mom to Garland to live with David. He and his beautiful wife, Mirtha, have been saints with her. Mom has been living in their house for three years. She has been safe and certainly had the best care they could give her.
Mom’s memory is going. It has been for a long time, but the worst of it is her anger. Throughout my life my mom, who is smart, artistic, caring, hard working, and loving, has been angry. Angry like an undertow that waits churning to return to the top and pull me under. Her anger rolls continuously. She’s angry at so many things and at life overall.
I know that often the root of anger is pain-real and long suffered pains of heart, mind and body. I have always gifted to be able to set her temper off. Grandma always said that we were like oil and water. The last few years just my voice triggers her. My brother is able to keep a level of emotional separation with her and can sometimes reach her rationally, but lately her anger has become focused on both he and his wife creating a toxic home environment. Rachael and I went through something similar with her, which took so much energy from our ability to care for Liberty and ourselves.
Recently she had a major event with her meds and was taken to the hospital. This was after several weeks of her memory and thinking skills deteriorating. Quickly. Scarily.
Luckily the doctors at the hospital did more tests and kept her. Gratefully, she is now in a full care facility and I think she will become more acclimated. Unfortunately, we don’t have a diagnosis in regards to her memory as of yet. The stress isn’t pleasant and I’m not sure how David has handled it. This is not the choice I would want if her medical and emotional needs were different. I don’t think anyone would choose to have their parent in a home if there were any other way. As soon as I got the message that Mom would be staying in a facility I was overcome with gratitude and relief. Then guilt. Because guilt is my jam.
David and Mirtha did everything they could, and I certainly tried.
We are, like so many others, the sandwich generation. We are taking care of our children and our parents. We are not alone. Many are doing their very best to take care of their parents and their children. Often, we are lost in the middle doing the best we can.
Will continue to pray that Mom finds some happiness and healing, And that David and Mirtha can embrace this new life together.
Liberty is holding her own. We are nine weeks into the school year and rolling through the days. She’s tolerating her tube feedings and continues to eat small meals everyday. I think her weight is holding steady. I pray it is. Mariah’s wedding is quickly approaching and I can’t wait. She is well matched and loved by Derrick. I believe they will have a great life together.
Sending love and peace to all and support to all those who are squished in the middle, taking care of all.
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