Many years ago we had a couple of back to back "lock and secure" drills. We hoped they were drills. This was before the seeming tidal movement of school shootings. I knew to be afraid, but not how real it could be.
After one lock down that lasted several hours, found out later it was a prank, I had to have a difficult conversation with my family. My response was that as long as I am doing what I'm supposed to I will be okay: alive or not. Come what may, I know I am supposed to be a teacher.
In my life I have known violence. I have had a knife pointed at me a time or two, been on the receiving end of abuse, and some other dark events. I have had a dear friend beaten because of who he loved. No one needs to know this except for me to get the to my point of saying that I know, in a small way, what it is to be afraid and to find yourself, or someone you love, a victim.
I've learned many things, but the discussion with loved ones always comes back to a core belief: if I am doing what I'm supposed to then whatever happens is out of my hands. "If I get shot in the city" then know that I loved deeply and did my God called me to do with my life. I cannot live in a state of fearfulness; I am not weak. I believe there is always hope As long as there is hope, there is strength.
Hate crimes, an ever growing culture where I am sad to say many blame the victims, and other killings by those we are mentally ill could lead me to a place of fear. Instead I will be a voice and be strong for those who cannot.
Make no doubt that I am aware of my surroundings and am not a true passifist. I will protect what is mine, and have, if I need to. I just live in a world full of love, hope and forgiveness. Wish all could join me.
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