Yesterday, I left campus at 6:15 to go to my night job of teaching. A wreck happened right in front of me. The carnage barely missed me. I managed to back up, barely. The car that was hit stopped inches away from my front bumper. Glass was everywhere. The ironic part is that before this happened I was already a shaky mess. Why? Not Libby. Not Mariah. Not my Mom. Not my loves. It's school.
In that split second when I thought I would be hit, I didn't think about my daughters, my mom, my loves. I thought of the grades I needed, and if I had sent that email, and when do posters go out, and, I have to finish the data analysis, and, and, and...
The month of October is where the normal wear and tear on our teacher tires start getting thin and running rough. We wear out. The numerous levels of stress becomes overwhelming. Layers of paperwork and grading to get through, searching for some kind of glimpse into the mind of our students.
I cannot tell you how important this is. Teaching is a marathon, not a race, thank you, Terri Morgan. There are going to be days that you feel like quitting and "going home because Walmart will always hire me", but you don't because you are "never so alive" as when you are teaching-Rachael Collins. "Focus on your passion" and keep going- Lisa Mote.
There are still days when I wish I could do enough, just something right, and could reach that one kid. There are still days when I wish I understood why one child will do the work and another won't. When one child will destroy sticky notes because all they know is destruction and I can't fix them. When another child needs help, or encouragement, or simply to be heard.
Then there are the politics which come with working with other people. The damage we do to one another with technology is truly sad. Teaching is a profession where we create all other professions.
Then add the massive weight of increasing testing rigor and expectations, not to mention the incredible amount of student loans, money out of my check for the classroom, fear of failing these kids, and you will find me empty.
It is late October and I am
Empty.
I just want to teach. I believe in the ability of people to learn. I believe in kids. I believe in teachers. I believe in accountability on all parts. I believe in doing everything humanly possible to make sure each child/person more educated, but many teachers aren't humans.
Hug and support your new teachers. Maybe share a snack and cry a little. Continue to admit that you "don't know" and then help them find the answer.
To me, real teaching is hard. It is to give pieces of yourself to other people and recognize that giving. To me, I don't know something until I've taught it. So, by my understanding, I come to the classroom ready to give. And give relentlessly. And be empty- for tomorrow. I know the students and restore my hope- because I give them my hope.
All people involved in the wreck yesterday were okay.
Be blessed and be a blessing.
You always say it so well...
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