October in Teacherville

Yesterday, I left campus at 6:15 to go to my night job of teaching. A wreck happened right in front of me.  The carnage barely missed me. I managed to back up, barely. The car that was hit stopped inches away from my front bumper. Glass was everywhere. The ironic part is that before this happened I was already a shaky mess.  Why?  Not Libby. Not Mariah. Not my Mom. Not my loves. It's school. 

In that split second when I thought I would be hit, I didn't think about my daughters, my mom, my loves.  I thought of the grades I needed, and if I had sent that email, and when do posters go out, and, I have to finish the data analysis, and, and, and...

The month of October is where the normal wear and tear on our teacher tires start getting thin and running rough.  We wear out. The numerous levels of stress becomes overwhelming. Layers of paperwork and grading to get through, searching for some kind of glimpse into the mind of our students. 

I cannot tell you how important this is.  Teaching is a marathon, not a race, thank you, Terri Morgan. There are going to be days that you feel like quitting and "going home because Walmart will always hire me", but you don't because you are "never so alive" as when you are teaching-Rachael Collins. "Focus on your passion" and keep going- Lisa Mote. 

There are still days when I wish I could do enough, just something right,  and could reach that one kid.  There are still days when I wish I understood why one child will do the work and another won't. When one child will destroy sticky notes because all they know is destruction and I can't fix them. When another child needs help, or encouragement, or simply to be heard.

Then there are the politics which come with working with other people. The damage we do to one another  with technology is truly sad.  Teaching is a profession where we create all other professions.  

 Then add the massive weight of increasing testing rigor and expectations, not to mention the incredible amount of student loans, money out of my check for the classroom, fear of failing these kids,  and you will find me empty. 

It is late October and I am

Empty. 

I just want to teach.   I believe in the ability of people to learn. I believe in kids.  I believe in teachers. I believe in accountability on all parts. I believe in doing everything humanly possible to make sure each child/person more educated, but many teachers aren't humans. 

Hug and support your new teachers.  Maybe share a snack and cry a little. Continue to admit that you  "don't know" and then help them find the answer. 

To me, real teaching is hard. It is to give pieces of yourself to other people and recognize that giving. To me, I don't know something until I've taught it. So, by my understanding, I come to the classroom ready to give.  And give relentlessly. And be empty- for tomorrow. I know the students and restore my hope- because I give them my hope.

All people involved in the wreck yesterday were okay. 

Be blessed and be a blessing.

http://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2015/10/22/450575463/it-s-okay-to-cry-in-your-car-fighting-disillusionment-as-a-first-year-teacher?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=2047

Juggling Princess Pincushion

Hello from the land of Mom of two kids who are both in college.  Everyday we are trading out books, bags, hand and leg braces, meals, pills, potty times and homework.  

She is loving her classes and has even admitted to having "fun" in her new math class. Her reading class is interesting.  She reads lists of short passages and then answers questions over the text.  This is online work and either one of her scribes, Jennifer, or Mariah record her answers.   Her graphic design and beginning drawing courses are exciting.  She has really been turning out amazing work. 

The top is the model, the bottom is hers.

Ball and cone to work on shading.  I can't really attest to what all she is drawing because she is producing so much in her classes. 

Of course, her portrait of Her beloved Bryce just kills me. This is mixed torn paper. 

It's feels like we have adapted to college fairly well.  The longer class periods and the many hours of homework just make this juggling act more interesting. 

Liberty hasn't had Botox since June 3. Scheduling around all of the school schedules and her doctor's schedule was difficult.   We've had this appointment since early August; it was the first time we could get in.  

Dr. Acosta was happy with her feet and how well she is holding her ability to have 90 degree flexion. 

Libby has been fighting us over not wanting to eat very much, and we are not sure if it's more of her jaw hurting or because she worries about getting too big.  She has also fought over taking her pills, especially the relief pills.  They make her foggy and she can't draw as well after having them.  So, she's willing to be a shakey locked up mess over foggy brained. When she's locked up she can't really use her arms, so not taking her pills is a lose-lose situation.  Stubborn!

She took Botox all over her body and didn't complain much. She even got some in the bottom of her feet. She may whine to us, but she really is tough. Because her neck has been extremely tight, she is struggling to keep it up in class and to do her computer lab hours, lots of Botox was focussed on her jaw and neck.  

I hate seeing her hurt and locked up; it is only because she gets relief after these treatments that we continue.  So many sticks with so many needles.  We have thickening agents on order, just in case swallowing becomes an issue.

While the DBS Nurse Practioner was checking her batteries she noticed that one, her right side battery, wasn't working at full charge. I had to step out of the room.  Instantly I am nauseous and can't breathe. Her left side had been tightening, but I really thought it was the lack of Botox and the immense strain college has been on her body.  I missed the fact that one of her batteries are low and that's my job. 

http://www.medtronic.com/patients/essential-tremor/therapy/dbs-therapy/activa-rc/

She will have to have her battery replaced and there are now a rechargeable version available.  Instead of two batteries, one for each side she will have only one that charges both sides.  She have to wear a charger for an hour everyday. Apparently they don't have a solar charged battery, yet.  Then I could just sit her out in the sunshine. 

We wait to hear from the Neuro Surgeon about the date. We will try to get it after the semester ends.  It is a day surgery, which makes me less fearful of missing school. Her next Botox is in February.

Gotta smile at the Libby nest made for napping. 

Princess Pincussion is hungry and fussy. Typical day with college kid. 

Yes, those are Libby's legs hanging out of the bathtub at our hotel. When we travel, it has become safer to just sit her down into the water, sideways and bathe her.  She doesn't hate it, so that's a plus.  *No teens were embarrassed during this photo shoot.