Before school released us, I told my coworkers that I didn't know what kid I'd be bringing back to school for her senior year. I didn't know if she'd make it through the DBS implants. Didn't know if she's still be herself. The risk factors were so high for infections, strokes, and worse.
I didn't hope for much other than for this surgery to not make her worse: not tighter and certainly not add more pain.
We were on the go all summer. I taught summer school, we spent 19 days in Dallas/Ft. Worth and have tried to balance a few hours moving my classroom and various other trainings.
We never even set up the little swimming pool.
The response to all such questions is simple: we're idling. Right now the stimulators are releasing a very low charge into the very Dystonic part of her brain. It's like a car that is turned on and left idling. We go back at the end of the August to get more programming which will up the voltage. This will happen many times over the next year or two.
(Trying to get her to stand up a little more, I drew a circle on the bathroom mirror to help her visualize where he head needs to be.)
The big "woe" is that muscle retraining is very difficult. Her muscles have gotten used to being on their contorted positions. Her neck, my nemesis, is particularly determined to remain cocked to the left.
At first glance she doesn't look different. She is looser. We've been able to reduce her pain meds. She's not wanting to sleep as much. There's been a change in vocabulary that I can't quite describe yet; her speech still varies minute to minute.
She is 17, her name is Liberty, and she is very stubborn. If she doesn't want to, she won't. I push her and am not easy on her, so she is completely tired of me; it's okay this feeling is mostly mutual. This is what I do, I push her to do more and try harder. I have to. (Remember that she has NO therapy at this time, their choice, not ours.)
She is still alive and so are we.
She is very ready for school to begin because she is a typical teen. I, however, have many worries about school and will not be carrying these fears alone. I'm trying to pass my school worries on over to a higher power.
For me life as a teacher is a mixture of intensive studying and planning the repeating the mantra to "leave my ego in my car". Since May, I've completed over 60 hours of training (30 of that was online), read five professional books, and a bunch of new literature. New classroom, new grade level, new woes, and new chances. I just have to believe that I am where I am supposed to be. I love changing things up and always tell the administrators to put me wherever they want. Many people were hurt because of the changes made to our campus and our district. I hate this. I hate knowing that people around me are hurting. This only adds to immense apprehension before beginning this school year. I do not ever want people around me to hurt, and I certainly don't want to be the cause. I only hope to be able to focus on the student needs and support my peers. We have to work hard as a learning community to support one another! I never know how long I'll be able to teach. Everyday that I am able to be at school and do what I was born to do is a blessing. I cannot allow my professional stress to harm my ability to take care of Liberty, my loved ones, and at some point I'll need to try to take care if myself.
Our summer full of woes and goes is at an end. When people ask me if
I had a good summer I think I'll say that everyone lived. We spent time together. We shared many tears and a bunch of belly laughs. We put miles on my car and my heart. We just keep going and going and going. I think we slew a lot of woes this summer. I know we have survived immense stress and have come through with arms full of hope.
