Super sized life

Nothing I do can be small or bite sized. 

I don't do a lot of eating out, not because I am that healthy. It's because my body just doesn't accept most foods very graciously.   The idea of pulling up and ordering a super sized meal and gobbling it up I sounds good but it just isn't going to happen.  Right now, I am full.  Full to brim with love for my job, my family, my friends and my life in general.  It's as of every emotion I have has grown to be supersized.  This year it seems as if we have super sized everything- our love, our hope, our pain and our struggles. 

 We have beauty and hope. 

And some

Scary little critters.

So blessed.  

There is also the ongoing roller coaster ride that is life with Libby and her frenemies Parkinson's and Dystonia.  Libby is developing different symptoms and more of some old issues, like spasticity and less of others which is a conundrum.  She can't seem to do anything predictably.   At all.   

She decided Friday to skip the senior pep rally because the noise makes her head hurt.  Truly, I get that. It is just a milestone she missed, yet I respect her  decision.   Even if Libby were still healthy, the emotions would a be wild and crazy because she is a senior in high school. 

So, We have a senior ring, cap and gown sized and ordered.  Ten hours of community service completed. 

Halloween carnival, homecoming, Caprock's  Trunk or Treat, and so much more competed in this first twelve weeks of school.  I must say that she is so much more verbal and complains so much more that it is hard to tell when she is truly happy. Or, at least, content.  Super

Sized order of hope.

Mariah has stated another job which will lead her, hopefully, closer to her long term goals and a healthier lifestyle.  That's the struggle and amazing aspect of having a grown child.  The balance between nagging and pushing and then speaking my mind, while being kind, loving and supportive.  Again, super sized order of hope here. 

The gargantuan emotions also reflect in the sadness that I have had to simple face and somewhat embrace.   Everyone has some sadness that is out of their control- I think. 

This school year I have had to accept and realize that having my current position means that I do not have have many friends at work.  I have truly had to leave my ego in the car every morning and keep my focus on the students who need me.   Super size hurt and jabs at my self esteem and yet I know that I try to do what is best for my students all day, everyday.  I believe in the students and in the process of designing, planning and learning with them.   I will continue to believe that I have been placed where I should be and where the students need me. Too late to ask why and time to ask how best to do the job ahead of me.  I am having a great time and my learning curve is off the charts.  Super sized order of fear, planning, researching, trying, asking questions, trying, and planning some more.  

There is so much more, but as my emotions and stress levels bounce up and down I have to keep in mind that my God has this under control.

And, no, it's not just hormonal, and yes I do believe in "go big or go home". Amazingly gifted to have the chance to be overwhelmed! 

I know that in a few years I'll look back and be grateful for all of over sized emotions and stressors.    Now I believe I will be taking a nap with my senior princess. 

Home

We are trying to get out of the hospital on Friday and leaving any hospital is always a hassle and a gamble.  (Keep in mind we have an appointment at 1:00 with the pain neuro doc, who is not IN the hospital.). Liberty's last treatment began at 8:00 am.  Around 10:30 Libby's IV died after four days of hard work.  This meant another IV installation, which added another thirty minutes. It's 12:40 and discharge papers have been signed and I HAVE them in my possession.   I know we'll make our appointment, but this is cutting it a little close.  

Libby has now had five days of IVIG treatment and we may not see the advantage for a week. Hoping that her Dystonia settles down.  This is how the thinking has to go. 

1. Is this treatment/procedure terribly invasive? Do the risks outweigh the possible gains?

2. What is her level of discomfort going to be during the proposed treatment/procedure? 

3. Is their data to show that the results can be measurable?   

4. If we don't try this treatment/procedure, will we regret not having exhausted every avenue?  

There ya go, so we tried the IVIG and not too bad,  so far.  It's now Saturday morning, 7/20, and she's a fussy, tired, locked up mess, but she's cute and she's home. 

I am not happy about these skin biopsies and where they are placed and how icky they are.  That's all.  I am not happy about these at all.   We won't know the results for up to four weeks.  That sucks.  Long time to seriously worry and prepare myself for these life changing results.  If these results are negative, then we are back to square 500,291!  Yes, she has Lyme, but there has to be something more going on.   I just wish it would go away and leave this child alone.

Mariah now has the key

To her very own place.  I cannot shine what this feels like for her.  She is doing something I never really did.  I did live alone, but there was always a little one involved.  She is completely her own and I hope and pray she relishes this opportunity. 

And, she's living in her very own secret garden! May she take the time to heal herself and focus her twenties in the beautiful life she has now and ahead of her!!  Proud mama!  

It's now Friday and we've been home for the whole week.  We've managed to wear ourselves out every single day.  We've mowed, cleaned, organized, made it to therapy, ripped carpet out of both bedrooms and will be sanding and finishing the rooms today.  I cannot explain the sense of urgency I feel.  I just know that in many ways time is limited. I'm nesting and both my eggs are definitely hatched.

Our bathroom redo has been approved and the walk in shower for Libby will begin being installed next week. I cannot continue the ugliness that occurs every single day during Libby's shower time.  That is truly the most dangerous time of her day.

We bought another new car and Mariah will take over the Tucson.  Knowing that she is in a reliable vehicle helps the guilt/worry/pride cycle. 

7/26/13 

And by the way, if this last week has been any indication of Libby's reaction to the IVIG treatment, we won't be doing this again!  She has been in lots more pain, locked up, pissy, whiney, and a whole bunch of yuck since we returned. Not fun!